Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Think about you every day. Mostly all the great times and occasionally the argument or two or three that we had. Man did we argue we even drove Dad out of the room a few times. Really regret the ones about T cause all of what you said is ringing true now. Co-signed for her vehicle and boy did that cost me. Somewhere in Vegas is a Durango I own. LESSON LEARNED! Hindsight is always 20/20. Tried cleaning out your room. Was doing ok until I found some wheat pennies that you always saved for Uncle Jim. Memories flooded and had to stop. You were always thinking of everyone else. It has been 611 days since you headed to be with Dad or 1 year 8 months and 2 days and yeah I count them every now and then. I don't remember it being this hard with Dad but then I had you here to help me with that. Plus you took care of Dad's things. I helped but you sorted through it all. It is the sorting through and finding something that sparks a memory then I can't continue. Everyone says no rush and in time it will happen so that is what I am going with. Some day it will be OK. I know both of you see how this family is growing. Wish these little ones had gotten the chance to know you and Dad. I have sat and watched Turtle talk to your pictures at my house, so I am sure you are here watching over her and me. Bird also looks at that picture of you and her and points. I know she is pointing at you to let me know that you are looking out after her too. Kids see what we adults can't and I truly believe that. I don't get to see Greg as often as I would like, but just like you said in one of our lasts talks. He is in great hands with a very loving and caring Daddy and Mommy. Same with Anna Belle, I know you are watching over her too along with the rest of this Morgan clan. You kept us all safe and sound when you was here and now I know you are still doing that. I have gone to Sweetbriar a few times and Peggy and Michelle miss you dearly. They have a cool bench out in front with a plaque that says in Loving Memory of Betty Morgan. You touched so many people. Peggy always says it is just not the same and there will never be any one to take your place. That is so true. You were one of a kind. I am so grateful that you were my Mom, confidant, caretaker, teacher and most of all my best friend. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you and miss you tremendously. Thank you so much for being so special to me and to so many others out there. U R DA BEST!

Happy Fathers Day, sorry it is a day late

I know it is the day after but the actual day kills me so I spend those days with my family next door just to keep my mind moving and to keep me from breaking down constantly. We made a trip up to the cemetery since I hadn’t been up there since Mother’s Day weekend. I missed going up there around Memorial Day and that was really wearing on me. It did me good to go spend some time with them. Did some cleaning and fixing up. It was really muddy and water logged like everything else, but by the time we left it was looking good. And yeah there was one time I about busted my ass in the mud and water and I know both of them got a good laugh out of that. :)

Around Mother’s day I put out a list of memories about reasons why I loved Betty Mae, so here is the Herbie version.

OK Herbie I am gonna start with my earliest memories and venture through 36 wonderful years with you…

I loved the way you would take me with you, guess that is why they got me on video throwing a classic Morgan tantrum when I couldn’t go to work with you.
I loved when you would take me up to Joe and Kate’s; give me a shot glass of soda and a Slim Jim. Love Slim Jim’s to this day, reminds me of our special bonding.
I loved the way you would help me feed the horses apples, but really loved it when you would give them the Boone’s Farm.
I loved it when you got the splinter out of my butt. OK it did hurt really bad but felt better after it was out.
I loved how you would take me for a ride on Peanut.
I loved that you taught me how to fish.
I loved how you made me feel like I was the Bass Master, reeling in that minnow with all those fish hot after it, even though all those fish were the same size as the minnow or smaller.
I loved how you let me sleep with you and Mom after the Helter Skeltor incident.
I loved your love of country music. Thanks for turning me on to Johnny and Tammy those were the best 8 tracks that a girl could ever want.
I loved when you would let me help you when you worked on anything. At first I didn’t know which one was a crescent and which one was the pliers, but over the years you taught me all about tools and how to keep them organized and clean so they are ready the next time you need them.
I loved how we would go camping and fishing. We became quite the regulars in Teddy Bear camp area.
I loved when we caught a stringer full of channel cat, we had the perfect spot and were slaying them left and right. Dang it why did we leave them in the lake and go up and take a break, only to return and find a stringer full of channel cat heads. Damn Turtles!
I loved when we would go fishing all the time although fishing at the Kaskaskia was kind of scary for me. Love the lakes and ponds but the rivers scared me.
I loved how you taught me to mow and love mowing to this day. Opps sorry Mom for mowing over some of your flowers.
I loved when you would jump on my bike and ride it backwards, still amazed that you could do that.
I loved that you allowed me to have kids over all the time and they thought you were great and so funny.
I loved when you got me my bb gun and see I didn’t shoot my eye out.
I loved when we would sit out in the backyard with your gun and just wait for a ground hog to come out so we could shoot at it. Well I shot at it, you usually hit it.
I loved how you would brag about me to the guys you worked with. And Jack told you about me boxing with Paul and Kevin and kicking their ass. Yep you didn’t have a prissy little girl you had a tomboy that would scrap with any one.
I loved how you helped me when I broke my arm the second time. You knew when I came in the house it was broke and after the doctor trying to set it a couple of times you told him to stop and send me some place where they could fix it.
I loved when we went and got my first car. That 1966 Pontiac Catalina was awesome. It was my tank. I loved it.
I loved all of our trips that we would take, you Mom and me. West Virginia, Ohio, and the many trips to Taylorville and Vandalia to visit family.
I loved that you passed on your love for the Cubs to me and taught me how to be a true Cubs fan. You know being able to take all the jokes and look em straight in the eye and say: “There is always next year!”
I loved all of our family BBQ’s and how you would always make sure that you burnt a couple for me and you passed that on to Kim and Jerry cause they take care of me too.
I loved how you help me get my house together; tearing up carpet and tiles, painting, stripping trim, cleaning, plumbing, electric. You were a jack-of-all-trades.
I loved how you would come over and help me with any problem that arose dealing with my house. Although you did bail when I needed help with the snake. :)
I loved that you took care of all of us. You worked your ass off in the mines for many years.
I loved your dedication to the union all though I hated that your other union members didn’t have your drive and determination and devotion.
I loved your sense of humor and how you always had everyone laughing around you.
I loved your little ditty’s that you would sing constantly, you know like the dirty dirty drawers that Maggie wore. :)
I loved the way you could remember and retell jokes and the dirtier the better although Mom didn’t always think so. ;)
I loved the way you fought your battle with cancer. You went through some shit but still maintained your sense of humor.
I loved the way you was a true warrior right up until the end.

Pop there are a hundred trillion more memories and I am thankful for each and every one.

I know it is a day late but Happy Fathers Day, Herbie. I love you and miss you so much. You were the best, I learned so much from you. Thanks!

Relay for Life 2009

Last weekend was the Relay for Life here in Randolph County. We found out Dad had cancer in February 01. It was the first immediate hit to our family. Mind you we were aware of the disease because we knew Jeannie and Uncle Jr. had lost their battles and Bob was fighting his, but this was the first time we would be thrown directly into this chaos hell. All I can say is if you have seen it first hand then you understand what I mean by chaos hell. My Dad was always my hero, and seeing him in this battle my love and respect for him grew immensely. From that first mention of cancer, we were all scared as hell. One day we are hearing about nodules on the brain and next we are all packed in an office talking about radiation treatments and Dad was admitted the first day and put in ICU. It was hard as hell seeing him so upset sitting on that bed. But we kept telling him it was going to be OK and we were all in this together. So he started his regimen of radiation and chemo and OMG. I had always heard about the treatment nightmares. From the radiation weaken Dad to the chemo making him sicker than a dog and losing his hair, we did go through the treatment chaos. Then when Dad got thrush there was the battle between the chemo and radiation doctors pointing the fingers at each other saying the other treatment caused it. What was harder than hell was getting them to realize we didn’t care what caused it just fucking help my Dad with the pain and discomfort. Actually the treatments did help and Dad did get a break. So the spring of 02 I was never more proud of my Dad as seeing him walk around the relay for life track as a survivor. Yeah he did bring up the rear but that is cause Kim was walking with him and who knows what kind of bullshit was transpiring between those two. When the relay came along in 03 Dad was again going through treatments and couldn’t make it, so I made sure to make some laps for him. Then in September he lost his battle with this terrible disease. Ever since 01 I have made it a point to walk in the relays. Most of all I make sure that Dad is represented with a luminaria bag on that track. I went from getting a handful of bags and now I am up to around 20. Needless to say cancer fucking sucks. Sorry for the language but that is the way I feel.

Now I want to give a big thank you to my designer for some awesome luminaries this year. You did a great job, sorry you had to stay up so late to get them done. If you have some time please check out the slide show of bags and then the video from when they were lit for the ceremony.

In Loving Memory of...
Marie C. Lockart
Logan Lockart Jr.
Lenna S. Morgan
Charles H. Morgan
Bob Stine
Jeannie Jackson
Rick Jackson
Betty Lockart
Glenn Brookshire
Denzil Morgan
Chuck Crowder
Larry Williams
Renee Morgan
Carl Glasco
Larry Crowder
Gary Carns

In Honor of...
Edna Branham
Charles W. Morgan
Elaine Lederbrand

A Must See...

I am so thankful that Scrappy shared this with me. Everytime I watch it...it is just amazing...very moving...WOW!...goosebumps galore...so TRUE!!!!

Vacation Rewind

Last week I was on vacation getting ready for the 2009 Morgan Reunion, which in my opinion was a complete success. Here comes the rewind. I had to work Monday, which sucked. So Tuesday was the first day of vacation. Started by cleaning the house and preparing the pool to be opened. Also took Scrappy to the dentist to get a couple wisdom teeth pulled. OUCH! While waiting for her, I was reading the book, Running with Scissors, OH my this is a different book. I have trouble putting it down once I start. I can’t remember who told me about this book, but it is way different from all my Grisham and biographies that I read. Any way Scrappy got done after being tortured big time, so we headed back to the ranch. Wednesday again more cleaning, dusting in the house. Then outside water running in the pool, putting the pump together (hoping for no leaks) and preparing the chemicals and to take off the winter cover. Only a minor leak but fixed when Loser tightened the union that my wussy hands couldn’t. Also Dayle Ann brought over a stack of pictures for me to create a video for Emily for her graduation. Thanks to Loser and Scrappy the cover came off the pool. Water not too bad, threw the chemicals in and waited for them to kill everything in there. As usual I spent some time with my family next door, left about ten thirty that night to start scanning Emily’s pictures. I finished about one thirty that morning. Thursday up by six thirty to start working on the video. Finished at noon. Cleaned pool and added more chemicals for the final cleaning. Easiest opening yet. Only thing left is to put the steps in, but that water is cold and I say one of my lovely nephews will jump in there and put them in for me when they get here. Thanks Paul. Finished up on the house and the only thing left to do is shopping on Friday. Friday went with Scrappy to Wally World (Hate that store) to get things for the reunion. Got home and then cleaned some more then said good enough and waited for the Morgan clan to start arriving. We had Emily’s high school graduation at seven. First ones in was Charlie and Mary and they set up their tent in my lot. Next in was Kevin, Caryn and Greg, then Keith and Diane. Jim called and said his crew would meet us at the gym. I started up my AC cause the house was getting a little warm. We all headed up to the graduation. Emily had a huge support crew there. So proud of Emily she was the valedictorian plus she earned many scholarships. We ended up at Pistol City to finish celebrating Emily’s success. But first I ran home with Loser, Scrappy and the girls, and I found my house hotter than hell. OH shit the AC isn’t working, opened up all the windows and hoped for a breeze to cool it. And Loser was busy stealing Chuck’s golf clubs, just to you know be a pain in the ass. Pistol City was fun, or was that cause they sell Miller Lite? We ended up back at the hot ass homestead. Kevin and Diane kept me up until one excuse me I mean one fifteen according to Kev. Saturday got up at six and started calling Loser to get her up to start BBQing. Finally got her moving and myself too. Time to get ready for the Herbie and Betty Mae Reunion. Other than my ass a dragging from staying up with Kevin and Diane plus all the getting ready from Tuesday until Saturday, the reunion was a blast. Missed Dad and Mom like crazy but they were right there with me as always. The little ones kept me going, can’t wait until they are a little older next year. After the park we headed back to my house where those crazy kids got in that cold ass pool. Shivering and blue they didn’t care and according to some of the bigger kids, there was some shrinkage. ;) Finished the night just bonding with family over a few beverages. Did Caryn ever catch up with Ivan? Next morning the guys went golfing, I opted to stay home with my little dudes. More family bonding just sitting around. One by one they would pack up and head, but we decided that October would be the 2nd unofficial reunion/bon fire/birthday bash. I did get lucky and Kevin, Caryn and Greg decided to stay one more day. It was great graduation and reunion; enjoy some of the pictures below.

Emily and Drew...Awwwwww

Greg says the water is COLD!
Did Aunt Edna tie Chuck's shoe together?

Anna Belle loves the water!

Turtle loves Ma Ma's Mac N Cheese!

Scrappy, Turtle and Bird styling in their family shirts

Brandon give Emily's knee a rest Emily giving her valedictorian speech YEAH EM!

Herbie was smiling over this table

Hunter taking the big boys to school

Megan, Greg and Anna Belle having fun!

Yes it was as fun as it looks.

Peace Out!

Happy Mother's Day

I hate this time of year. I hate all the commercials on the radio and TV. I am sure the years to come it will get easier, but this is my second Mother’s Day without my beautiful Mama. Nope it isn’t getting any easier.

I stole this idea out of Tim Russert’s book, Wisdom of our Fathers, Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons, which by the way if you haven’t I would suggest that you read it and also his book, Big Russ and Me. Reading these two books brought back many memories of my Dad and Mom. Things I haven’t thought about in a long long time. One chapter in the book was devoted to these sons and daughters just writing letters that they told why they love their Dad. So I here is mine to my Mama…

OK Betty Mae gonna start with my earliest memories and venture through 40 wonderful years with you…

I loved it when you would walk with me and watch as I would head over to Margie and Melt’s, Ron and Joanie’s and down to Oscar and Marie’s.
I loved when you picked me up and consoled me and cleaned me up after Oscar and Marie’s dog plowed me over and I had nothing but muddy paw prints all over me.
I loved that you got me a dog (wish I could remember his name) that would grab my diaper or clothes if I even got close to the road.
I loved that you jumped in the pin to get the hurt baby pig, but when his Mama came I was scared and glad you got out of there in time.
I loved how you cared for the baby pig in the house until he was well enough to get back in the pin.
I loved how you held me when Dad was getting the splinter out of my butt. Guess I should have listened to you about not sliding down the stairs. Ouch!
I loved all the times you fixed my cuts and scrapes, sorry I was such a tom boy, but what choice did I have with the boys using my doll heads as baseballs. :)
I loved when we would walk through the trailer park, down to the beach, up toward Charlie and Mary’s or back and around to Ivan’s.
I loved how everyone envied your ability to keep and grow flowers and plant. Can’t remember her name but the lady in the trailer court would always tease me about you and your elephant ears.
I loved the way you held me in the hall when the tornado was coming toward Okawville.
I loved the way you let me sleep with you and Dad after getting so scared when I seen the ending of part one of Helter Skelter and there he was sitting there with those eyes. And know I didn’t watch the movie just happened to come out and see that image and that was all it took.
I loved when we would walk around the lake and to the little creek and I would catch tadpoles, and amazed cause some had legs. WOW!
I loved your love of country music. Thanks for turning me on to Johnny and Tammy those were the best 8 tracks that a girl could ever want.
I loved how you would play basketball with me even though I made fun of the way you shot the ball and how you usually made it.
I loved your love for Shetland sheep dogs, cause I got some way cool dogs like Rusty, Rocky, Spicey and then you had Gator Dude.
I loved how you had so many flowers growing in the yard in Coulterville, even though I complained about mowing around them. Our yard looked so pretty all the time.
I loved how you would walk up to the school with me for basketball, volleyball what ever it was you and me. :)
I loved how all my friends thought that I had the coolest Mom and they wanted you to adopt them. You treated them all as if they were yours.
I loved how you allowed me to invite them over all the time, cause my house was the best in town.
I loved how you would try to help me with my algebra then end up telling me you got through it by cheating off of some girl.
I loved that you trusted me to run amuck in the neighborhood, just as long as I was in before dark.
I loved that you accepted all my friends, just like you I seen what was on the inside and didn’t judge anyone by what anyone else said. I formed my own opinion.
I loved how you were sometimes a therapist to my friends, listening to their stories about their Mom and Dad’s, or whatever. You always made them feel better.
I loved how you tried to help me learn to write with my left hand when I broke my arm. It was always chicken scratch, but you said it was getting better.
I loved when we would make donuts out of biscuits. Mmmm
I loved helping you make all the pies, yeah like I was helping I just wanted a lot of pie crust left over for your Jiffy Pie. Mmmm Mmmmm
I loved how you made special pies, Cherry for Diane and Kim, Pecan for Ivan, Pumpkin for Rod, Dad loved them all and Me, mine was Chocolate.
I loved how you loved your ornery grandkids all 5 hundred thousand of them. You were the super cool Grandma cause you usually did what ever they asked you and you did the same with your great grandkids.
I loved how you made each one of us kids and grand kids a photo album.
I loved how you took care of me when I got sun poisoning and couldn’t walk, although I think you did make fun of me scooting around on my but everywhere.
I loved how you took care of my many broken bones, sprained ankles, and illnesses.
I loved how you helped me through the death of a few friends.
I loved when we got the pool; we had so much fun in there, you and your unsinkable butt.
I loved when you turned the hose on Diane and me and caused us to get sun burnt. ;)
I loved how you help me get my house together; tearing up carpet and tiles, painting, stripping trim, cleaning and you are the border master.
I loved when I called for help with getting a snake out of my house, you came right over cause you knew Dad would step foot in my house if there was a snake in it.
I loved that as an adult you accepted and treated all my friends with respect even though there were some you wanted me to get the hell away from and I should have listened.
I loved that you came to take care of me when I had my back surgery.
I loved that you had so much fun removing the bandage off my back slowing and pulling the hairs out and watching me squirm. I think you enjoyed that a little too much ;)
I loved the way you took care of Dad when he got sick. You were so strong.
I loved how you helped me with Dad’s death. Again you were so strong, I never would have made it with out you.
I loved how you would go to the cemetery with me when I needed to talk to Dad.
I loved how you did adopt so many, you would accept everyone when their parents or families were too busy judging them for their lives, you didn’t care you showed them love and understanding.
I loved the friends you made when you moved to Sweetbriar. Peggy and Michelle still check up on me. They are such a great ladies.
I loved that you moved in with me.
I loved our last trip to Sweetbriar that was a great weekend.
I loved the way we both laughed our asses off when you had an accident and I was holding your perfume bottle up to my nose while trying to help you. Now that was a funny site.

Mama there are a hundred trillion more memories and I am thankful for each and every one.

I know it is a day early but Happy Mother's Day, Betty Mae. I love you and miss you so much. You were the best, I learned so much from you. Thanks!

Props have to be given...

I spent last night at a Sweet Sixteen Princess party for Jess. It was a great time and I have to give some well deserve praise to Brandy. Brandy and Jess got up there at the beginning and was thanking people for coming. Then Brandy started talking about just what Jessica, her princess and Jimmy, her prince have meant to her. Yes the voice was breaking up cause she was speaking from the heart. I have been very privileged to have Brandy for a friend all these years. I have seen first hand how she has devoted her life to her two kids. From that 3:30 AM phone call that I received one morning, Brandy has been focused on making the best possible life for her two kids. If you are fortunate enough to know either one of her kids then you know she has succeeded.
She did it without help from the kid’s dad. Oh but wait just like many divorced men he probably thinks that he is doing his share from the infinitesimal amount of child support he is paying. I am not a parent but one thing I do know is that unless you have a kid 24/7, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month or 12 months a year, you have NO idea what it cost to raise a kid. I would love to see these so called dads live off of their support for just a month, hell just a week. Just see if that money would supply them with just food and clothing. I doubt it would. Enough of that soap box; bottom line is that the cost of raising a kid is a hell of a lot more than a weekly deduction from a check.
Now back to my original thought. Brandy is raising two wonderful kids and all the credit goes to her and no one else. Sure she has had help from her parents and friends, but it has been her drive and determination that has made it happen. I sat there last night and watched bonds that no one could break. I saw a mother-daughter bond, a mother-son bond and a brother-sister bond. These three have each other’s backs no matter what. And why are they there for each other always, because it has been the three of them through it all. I sat there and smiled as I watched all three of them out there on the dance floor. It didn’t matter if they were out there dancing to one of their awesome choreographed dances or just out there dancing to the latest and greatest, it was so apparent that those three have genuine love and respect for each other. I remember seeing that same look many years ago only it was Brandy out there dancing with her Grandma Rose.
No I wasn’t sitting there all night stalking these three, I was just so proud of my friend and what she has done. Jess is an awesome kid. I see so much of Brandy in her. She is her own person and she sticks by everything that she believes in. She has a heart of gold. Jimmy is also a very awesome and talented kid. He also has a heart of gold and his personality is so spectacular. Let me quote what Candice said to me about Jimmy and his personality. She said this world would be great if everyone had his personality. Amen amen.
So I have to give Brandy a big shout out for being such an impressive and marvelous single mother. You did everything you set you mind to during that early morning chat/bitch session. You have two kids that are very grateful for every sacrifice you made so they could do whatever. Messer’s party was a blast, thanks for including us in on the celebration. It seems like it was just yesterday when we were at your house watching the kids break that lamp. LOL