What Christmas is all about

Yes...I was a very, very, very bad girl!!

AJ, Ryan, Mercedez & Hunter

David, Cierra, Kenny, Loser & Jada

Shayne, Marina & Max

Lucy, Mom & Rett

Emily & Mom

Mom & Santa

She says she was a very good girl this year, yeah right

Hang on to the memories......

Families amaze me

I am amazed how some family members can treat others like shit and not blink an eye. Or come right out and lie to your face. It is no secret how messed up my family is but when something bad happens we tend to always show up and represent no matter what. We make the calls and make sure everyone knows what the hell is going on. I know what Uncle Paul meant to me and I know what he meant to my siblings and that is why we made sure everyone knew what and when and where. I asked a cousin specifically if another cousin (her sister) knew and she looked me in the eyes and said yes. Only for me to find out that she didn't know. I guess I should have been more specific when I asked the question, but I thought she understood what I was talking about. I didn't mean did she know Uncle Paul passed away, I meant that and did she know when the arrangements were. That is me, thinking that others think the way I do and put shit away in a family time of crisis. Just like us I know that it would have meant the world to her to be able to say good bye to Uncle Paul, but her so called siblings and mother, made sure that that didn't happen. One thing I do know is that Uncle Paul seen first hand how this family acts and he couldn't believe it. So with everything these days, I have to say one of these days they will get paid back, I may not see it, but it will happen and all I can say is you deserve whatever comes your way.

Uncle Paul...One of a Kind

In Loving Memory

Paul Lockart

I was fortunate enough to live with Uncle Paul for the 2 years I went to college. He was one of a kind. Every morning it was Briant and Katie and me and Uncle Paul. I always cherished the mornings, because we would talk about current happenings or we could talk about nothing at all. No matter what I left for school with a smile on my face. I really enjoyed listening to the stories of back in the day. Especially when he would talk about what him, Uncle Dale and Uncle Vance did growing up. Then there was his stories when he was a Marine. I loved when him and Dad would bicker about which was better the Marines or the Navy. The stories he remembered when we went to Arkansas. Thank God for the memories and I do have many. I love you Uncle Paul and you will be forever in my heart.

Smacked again

Just when I try to change my attitude, I get hit head on. I don't know how I can change my attitude when I got psycho dick heads fucking with me. I think I will be spending a lot of time at home. Then the only psycho I have to deal with is me, myself and I. This is not a good time for me to deal with this shit. I am doing good to maintain day to day, with everything that has changed. Some days are worse than others, but it is getting better. Last night was a kick in the teeth that I didn't need. It happened and can't change it. I have to deal with it and get over it and do everything in my power that I don't put myself in that predicament again.

Test after test after test...when will they end and when will things get back to normal????

New Attitude needs to happen quickly

I need an attitude adjustment and I need it quickly. Tis the season, for my oh so lovely attitude. After this year, I am ready to start the next one and see what kind of crap happens next year. I wouldn't think that it could get worse, but all the times that I have said that this year, it usually got worse. I would hate to think what is actually coming in the new year. Is it time for the tide to change and pull me out of this bottomless pit? I have come to the conclusion that what I think or feel doesn't really matter. It doesn't make anyone else change their ways, it just pisses me off more that they don't realize what is going on. Their lives keep going on just like normal. They don't have a clue. I always thought I was pretty simple as far as my life. I don't need anything as long as I have my family and friends. Why would I need anything else, except an occasional Miller Lite or two or twelve pack, because my family and friends drive me crazy!

So Santa Claus if your out there surfing the net and read my blog, I would like to tell you what I want for Christmas. I have kind of been a good girl this year, but you already know all the details about that. I want a new attitude. I don't want to be so hateful. I need to quit waiting for everyone else to change because it hasn't happened in all these years I don't think they are going to change. Why can't I accept that and move on? So what if they don't change, I still keep wading through, I don't need them. I can be Super Red. I just need to take all the hate away. So what if they don't get what they deserve in the time I would like to see them get it. They will eventually. I would really like to see them when fate smacks them in the face, but maybe I will get the play by play by someone that did get to witness it.

Here is to all of the people who over the last year has made my life chaos...You can all BITE ME!

Hey Turkeys!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

To all my family and friends

Louie, MISS YA AND LOVE YA!!!!

So here it is Thanksgiving and who am I thinking about…one of the biggest turkeys that I knew and loved…LOUIE!!! November 27, 2002 was the day when Louie went to be with Dylan, the pain is so real that it seems just like yesterday. Louie was one in a million. Yes, he was crazy but anyone that really knew him loved him. Yes, he also pissed a lot of people off, but that was Louie. He lived life to the fullest. He had his faults and he would let you know what they were and if you didn’t like them too bad, he didn’t care. His kids were his life. When you seen Louie, you usually seen Nicole, Dylan and Ethan, they were always together.

This goes out to my Bro, Louie!
Miss ya & Love ya
My one of a kind crazy fucker!!!
Shoot a beer; bite the head off a hotdog
Busted in front of Mom & Dad’s all for a milk shake
Dad is the ultimate joke teller but you are next in line
I can hear you and Dad firing jokes one right after the other
That is what I miss the most…THE LAUGHTER!!!

Finally the Happiness you deserve!!!!!!!

T, Princess B, Rufas and Little Man

I miss you like crazy.

Good friends must not always be together;

It is the feeling of oneness when distant

That proves a lasting friendship.

What the F*#$&!!!!!!!

To say that the last few months have been normal is an extreme understatement. A good word to describe it would be CHAOS! Just when you think it can't get any worse it does. Life is and always will be a test, but all of these pop quizzes are about to hammer me into the ground.

Let start with Mom moving back to Sweetbriar. As long as she is happy that is the only thing that matters. I don't think Mom realized how much she liked it there until she moved away from there. You never know what you got until you loose it.

That phrase is going to smack me in the face at the end of this month, when Tina and the kids move back to Las Vegas. Not that I don't know what a great friend I have, because that is the ONLY thing that I do know any more. It is what is best for her and the kids and that is all that matters. They have been through hell so much lately that they deserve to be happy and what better to do that then for them to be around T's family. Get away from these small town, podunk losers and be happy.

It always amazes me how one selfish bastard can disrupt the lives of so many people and still act like everyone should feel sorry for him. Well I don't I have nothing but hatred for him and I have always said that I don't hate anyone. Granted I dislike a bunch of people that have screwed with my family and friends, but this selfish bastard gets all the hate that I have. How you can treat people you supposedly love like that and blame them for it is beyond me. But when you have your psycho family there telling you what to think and you can't think for your own, because you are a weak MF, what should we expect.

Now for a rant that has been a long time in the making. This goes out to all of my so called friends and family members who believe they know what's better for me than I do...

No matter how much shit you talked, or lies you told...behind my back...you never got the facts straight...oh they might have been what you wanted to believe...but guess what...you don't have a damn clue who Lenna is or what she is about...Let me set the record straight for you...Lenna is all about family and friends...that means she will do whatever she wants to for any of them and that is her business and nobody else's...but it is not what Lenna does for her family that is in question...it is what she does for her friends...oh wait I mean her best friend Tina that everyone feels the need to talk about...Last time I looked it was my life and I could do with it what I want...I work...I pay my own bills...I own my house and my truck...here is the shocker...I do like to go to bars and have a good time...which I guess if I am with someone other than Tina that is OK in everyone's eyes...What is it about that four letter word (T-I-N-A) that makes people think they have a clue what Lenna...wait I mean Red is about...Who was there for Red when her Dad was sick?....Who was there for Red when her family started falling apart...Who was there for Red when her Dad died?...Who heard all the comments that people where making about her...yeah you talk and it got right back to her...Did she tell me...NO...but I ended up finding out...It's really a gut shot when you find out that people who you care about are the ones that are doing all the trash talking about your best friend...Never heard anyone every say anything bad about Becky or the Raineys and how they were using me...but that is all I hear about with Tina...My reasoning on this subject is that I have to feel sorry for all of you...because you don't have a clue what a best friend is...In my book what people do for their family and friends is their business...last time I checked I was still in my right mind and could make educated decisions...With that, realize that this is Red or Lenna which ever you prefer, saying quit fucking worrying what I do with MY time, MY money, MY business...it is MY LIFE and that is the bottom line!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday

Jada Bird

***********

"Happy Birthday" means much more

Than have a happy day.

Within these words lie lots of things

I never get to say.

It means I love you first of all,

Then thanks for all you do.

It means you mean a lot to me,

And that I'm proud of you.

***********************

Love ya, Auntie Red

Charles Herbert Morgan 1926 - 2003

Sept. 6, 2001 was a day I will never forget. It has been 3 years, but the pain is still so real and near.















I love you, Dad...you are so dearly missed.

A father is a source of strength,
A teacher and a guide,
The one his family looks up to
With loving trust and pride...
A father is a helper
With a willing hand to lend,
A partner, an adviser,
And the finest kind of friend

When you speak of him speak not with tears
for thoughts of him should not be sad.
Let memories of the times you shared give you comfort
for his life was rich because of you.
And though for now you had to part,
though to part he did not choose;
he'll be with you along life's path,
Forever In Your Heart.

All of the precious gifts in life,
however great or small,
to have you as my father
was the greatest gift of all.

Your smile has gone forever,
And your hand I cannot touch,
I have so many memories,
Of you, Dad, I love you so much.

He left us quietly,
His thoughts unknown,
But left us a memory,
We are proud to own;
So treasure him Lord,
In Your garden of rest,
For when on earth,
He was one of the best.

Such a "GOOD" Person....NOT!!!

If you know me then you know that I have a journal that I vent to, quite often. There has been a phrase that I have been hearing that pisses me off to no end. The phrase is: She or he is really a good person. What amazes me is that I hear this after someone has told me some of the bullshit that this person has done.
Yes, I know we all make mistakes, but excuse me I don’t think when you constantly day after day abuse people. You are NOT a good person. By abuse I do not mean physical abuse, it is the day-to-day little things that are done over and over again. But then there is always the next day when they say I’m sorry and everything is OK. Until a few hours or days later and the head games starts all over again.
What pisses me off even more than the little head games is when you hear someone say but they will do anything for anyone. Well that is great because they don’t do shit for their family. Oh wait but there was that one-day back in nineteen something when they did act like they cared. Well hell then that makes everything OK, one day out of how many years. I guess they are a good person. No I don’t think so!
Then there is always, well they are having a rough time right now. OH, I’m sorry, your not having a good day, then go ahead and make others miserable right there with you. Feel sorry for yourself and make others miserable, that makes you a good person. NOT!
My all time favorite thing that these people do is LIE. I shouldn’t be surprised about this, because with everything else that they do why shouldn’t they lie also. It is all a part of being a good person…RIGHT?
What the fuck? Am I the only sane one around here any more? If you look up good in the dictionary, you’ll find: favorable character or tendency; that can be relied on; agreeable; pleasant; wholesome; considerable; well-founded; true; deserving of respect; honorable; satisfactory; virtuous; right; kind; commendable; benevolent; close; loyal; well-behaved just to name a few.
Where in that list do you see, treat others like shit; screw your family; feel sorry for yourself; hurt people over and over again and lie?
Yes, I am on a tirade over this, but it is because I have heard it from so many people over the past few days and these so-called good people have been screwing people for a long time. We all make mistakes by when these people do it over and over and over again, why are people so accepting. That is one thing that I am not…If these people really loved and cared like they are so quickly to say, then they wouldn’t continue to be such asses. How can they sleep at night? Easy, because they don’t care. They only care about themselves.
It is for this reason that I hope that I am not considered a good person. Call me everything but a “good” person, because if I treat family and friends like that then I would hope they would take a hammer and knock some sense into me, and I do believe it would only take once for it to sink in. But believe me when I say this, because I am talking from experience, when I am an ass to someone I care about, it doesn’t take a hammer, all it takes it seeing the hurt in their eyes. Trust me I would rather be hit with a hammer because that kills me…when I cause someone to hurt, I am not able to go on, sleep or anything, until I make it right, unlike these good people.
These are my views and opinions, and remember I am nothing but a terrible person; trouble in every form of the word; menace to society; hell raiser; all around problem!

My choice and that is all that matters

Yes, that is a tattoo on my leg. I got it earlier this year after years of trying to decide what I was getting. I wanted something that was me and no one else would have. So I came up with what I wanted and contacted my personal artist, Austin Zane. Then Presto he created the masterpiece that I had in my mind. No, I didn't cry. Although Kim and Austin were right there waiting for me too. It took about 45 minutes and I love it.

It shows what encompasses my world....Family (Morgan & Lockart) & Friends (Gimber, Rainey & Carman-Wallace) & my memorial tribute to some key players in my life...Jeannie, Louie and Dad.

Like the tat says: family and friends make my world turn. Even though sometimes it spins out of control, I would not be who I am today without any of them.

Some people can't believe that I went and got it...I think the phrase that Mom said had something to do with me being a dumb ass, but when she seen it she said it looked good. There was only a handful of people that knew I was getting it because I didn't want to hear all the preaching. Not that they would have changed this red head's mind, I just didn't want to hear all their opinions. I had mine and that is all that matters. I heard them all when they all seen it. Do you know that will be with you forever...NO SHIT! Was it a clean place...NO, there were rats and roaches all over and he dug the needles out of the trash...What am I stupid? Do you know people will talk about you and what they will think about you...OH YEAH...I have always worried about what other people think about me...Whoopie F*&$*#@ DO!!!! I always liked Dad's tattoos and knew that eventually one day I would have one...and yes I think it is an addiction...Because I am trying to think what I want next.