What Christmas is all about

Yes...I was a very, very, very bad girl!!

AJ, Ryan, Mercedez & Hunter

David, Cierra, Kenny, Loser & Jada

Shayne, Marina & Max

Lucy, Mom & Rett

Emily & Mom

Mom & Santa

She says she was a very good girl this year, yeah right

Hang on to the memories......

Families amaze me

I am amazed how some family members can treat others like shit and not blink an eye. Or come right out and lie to your face. It is no secret how messed up my family is but when something bad happens we tend to always show up and represent no matter what. We make the calls and make sure everyone knows what the hell is going on. I know what Uncle Paul meant to me and I know what he meant to my siblings and that is why we made sure everyone knew what and when and where. I asked a cousin specifically if another cousin (her sister) knew and she looked me in the eyes and said yes. Only for me to find out that she didn't know. I guess I should have been more specific when I asked the question, but I thought she understood what I was talking about. I didn't mean did she know Uncle Paul passed away, I meant that and did she know when the arrangements were. That is me, thinking that others think the way I do and put shit away in a family time of crisis. Just like us I know that it would have meant the world to her to be able to say good bye to Uncle Paul, but her so called siblings and mother, made sure that that didn't happen. One thing I do know is that Uncle Paul seen first hand how this family acts and he couldn't believe it. So with everything these days, I have to say one of these days they will get paid back, I may not see it, but it will happen and all I can say is you deserve whatever comes your way.

Uncle Paul...One of a Kind

In Loving Memory

Paul Lockart

I was fortunate enough to live with Uncle Paul for the 2 years I went to college. He was one of a kind. Every morning it was Briant and Katie and me and Uncle Paul. I always cherished the mornings, because we would talk about current happenings or we could talk about nothing at all. No matter what I left for school with a smile on my face. I really enjoyed listening to the stories of back in the day. Especially when he would talk about what him, Uncle Dale and Uncle Vance did growing up. Then there was his stories when he was a Marine. I loved when him and Dad would bicker about which was better the Marines or the Navy. The stories he remembered when we went to Arkansas. Thank God for the memories and I do have many. I love you Uncle Paul and you will be forever in my heart.

Smacked again

Just when I try to change my attitude, I get hit head on. I don't know how I can change my attitude when I got psycho dick heads fucking with me. I think I will be spending a lot of time at home. Then the only psycho I have to deal with is me, myself and I. This is not a good time for me to deal with this shit. I am doing good to maintain day to day, with everything that has changed. Some days are worse than others, but it is getting better. Last night was a kick in the teeth that I didn't need. It happened and can't change it. I have to deal with it and get over it and do everything in my power that I don't put myself in that predicament again.

Test after test after test...when will they end and when will things get back to normal????

New Attitude needs to happen quickly

I need an attitude adjustment and I need it quickly. Tis the season, for my oh so lovely attitude. After this year, I am ready to start the next one and see what kind of crap happens next year. I wouldn't think that it could get worse, but all the times that I have said that this year, it usually got worse. I would hate to think what is actually coming in the new year. Is it time for the tide to change and pull me out of this bottomless pit? I have come to the conclusion that what I think or feel doesn't really matter. It doesn't make anyone else change their ways, it just pisses me off more that they don't realize what is going on. Their lives keep going on just like normal. They don't have a clue. I always thought I was pretty simple as far as my life. I don't need anything as long as I have my family and friends. Why would I need anything else, except an occasional Miller Lite or two or twelve pack, because my family and friends drive me crazy!

So Santa Claus if your out there surfing the net and read my blog, I would like to tell you what I want for Christmas. I have kind of been a good girl this year, but you already know all the details about that. I want a new attitude. I don't want to be so hateful. I need to quit waiting for everyone else to change because it hasn't happened in all these years I don't think they are going to change. Why can't I accept that and move on? So what if they don't change, I still keep wading through, I don't need them. I can be Super Red. I just need to take all the hate away. So what if they don't get what they deserve in the time I would like to see them get it. They will eventually. I would really like to see them when fate smacks them in the face, but maybe I will get the play by play by someone that did get to witness it.

Here is to all of the people who over the last year has made my life chaos...You can all BITE ME!