Evil and corruption...

I started writing this about a year ago after Samantha made a comment to me about her wanting to die so she could see Nyosha. Just wondering if the person responsible had a clue as to how many lives he changed forever. I have added to it after seeing first hand how the justice system works or in this case fails.

Do you even know how many lives you have hurt by your senseless act? With your mentality and evilness, I don’t think you have a clue or even care. Only evil would take the life of another human being without any reason. Your meaningless action on April 29, 2012 changed and altered many lives.

Let me first start with a little 4 year old girl. This little girl loved Nyosha. She is always talking about Nyosha and how much she misses her. I have seen her write Nyosha messages and put them in envelopes and ask me to send them to Nyosha. At 4 you may not think the messages are anything of substance, but to that 4 year old it is her way of talking to her Nyosha. The message consists of Nyosha’s name and then a picture of a heart and finished with the 4 year old's name. Simple and to the point Sam loves Nyosha! This 4 year old has asked if there are phones in heaven so she can call Nyosha. This 4 year old has even said to me that she wants to die so she can see her Nyosha again. Every time she sees a picture of Nyosha she kisses her and tells me how much she misses Nyosha. She wants to know why someone hurt Nyosha. The only answer I have for her is that someone is evil and didn't care about Nyosha.

 Now let me talk about a nine year old with cerebral palsy. Nyosha spent many hours with this little girl. They were really good buddies. Nyosha would sit and play with her for hours. She loved singing and dancing with Nyosha. Nyosha would sit and help feed her, her favorite Ramen noodles. But most of all she loved just sitting right beside Nyosha and both of them would watch a movie or their favorite cartoons. While the communication is not there for this child with cerebral palsy, you can still see how when she sees a picture of Nyosha that that love is still there and wanting to know why Nyosha isn't around.

Both of these little girls are Nyosha’s cousins. There are many other cousins and many of them looked up to Nyosha because she was the oldest grandchild of Carrie and the late Larry Williams. On June 9, 2011 Carrie lost her youngest son, Larry Jr. AKA Bobcat. He drowned in a country lake. Here this mother is still in the process of grieving for her son, then she gets the news that her oldest granddaughter has been senselessly murdered. Now this grandmother has to go through burying her oldest granddaughter who was only 19 years old, only 10 months after burying her youngest son.

The list doesn't stop there with the lives that you forever changed. That list also includes four brothers and 2 sisters. Robbie, Nyeasha, Kerry, Dartaneous, Adam Jr. and La Brea will never get to see their big sister again. They won’t be able to pick up the phone and give her a call or send or receive a text message from her. Their only form of communication now is through their dreams and memories of her. Or they can post a message to her on her Facebook page, but will never ever be able to get a response back from Nyosha in any form, no comment, no like, no way for them to ever hear from her again. What kind of evil would take away their sister and for what reason?

Next there is a father and a mother that will no longer be able to see, hear or touch their beautiful daughter. They can no longer see their daughter grow into the beautiful and strong woman that they had hoped and dreamed of. They will never be able to see their daughter pursuing her dreams and working each and every day to achieve those dreams. Her dream of one day having that modeling career came to an abrupt end. Her father and mother will never get to see their daughter again. Nyosha was taken from them far too early. Nyosha will never have her dream job, or be able to get married, and she won’t be able to have any children or raise a family. Why, because one day evil appeared and decided to senselessly end any and all chances for Nyosha to live her life.

All of the people mentioned above think about Nyosha each and every day but there is one more person that your senseless act has changed and every day is a struggle for her to get through. This is Nyosha’s Aunt Candice. Candice is the one that helped Nyosha the most; she was more like a Mom to her. Candice was someone that Nyosha could always turn to. The day before your evil deed, Nyosha had asked Candice to get her a rental car, which Candice didn't have the money to do so. Now Candice feels guilty because if she had gotten her a car, maybe Nyosha wouldn't have ended up in the same car as evil. It was Candice who was feeling heavy all day on April 29^th. When she picked up her Ipad to look at the news, she just put it back down because she wasn't in the mood to read any bad news. But somehow she picked it up and there was the headline, “East St. Louis Police need help identifying body of a woman”. She read the girl had “Love is Pain” tattooed on her chest and now she knew why she was feeling heavy. It was Nyosha and she had been murdered. She tried calling Nyosha’s phone, she tried texting the phone and there was no response. Call to the police department and even though they didn't confirm it on the phone Candice knew. There isn't a day that goes by that Candice doesn't struggle with Nyosha’s murder. She knows ultimately it was evil that murdered Nyosha, but her guilt will always be there. What if she would have gotten her the rental car? Would Nyosha still be here? Did she let Nyosha down? Candice is and always will be a very kindhearted soul. Her heart breaks knowing that she will never be able to give Nyosha one of her bear hugs, nor will she be able to talk to her again and she will not be able to watch her grow into the amazing woman that she was destined to be.

On April 29^th Nyosha La Che’ White encountered evil and evil took away any and all chances for her to have a long, healthy and prosperous life. At the very young age of 19, Nyosha’s life ended and we are left with the question of Why? To make matters even worse the sentence brought down for this act of evil, was involuntary manslaughter 8 consecutive years. This by no means is JUSTICE.

On May 4, 2012 evil was charged with First Degree Murder a class M felony. Then on July 12, 2012 evil was charged with Harassment of a Witness a class 2 felony. From inside the jail cell evil was threatening the only other witness/accomplice to the murder of Nyosha. From May 4, 2012 until September 27, 2013 the case went from First Degree to Involuntary Manslaughter, why? What changed? The facts are evil took out a gun held it to the back of Nyosha’s head and pulled the trigger. Then they took everything off of Nyosha, her money, her phone, her ID, her purse and they dumped her lifeless body in the street. They proceeded to burn Nyosha’s belongings and clean the car. Evil even had the witness/accomplice burn her clothing as well. Then they proceeded along like nothing ever happened. Until guilt set in for the witness/accomplice and she notified the police. What part of any of that is involuntary? Evil voluntarily took the gun out and voluntarily pulled the trigger, he knew what he was doing and didn't have a care one about it. The witness/accomplice allegedly told the police the complete story. Evil would not admit to anything. Then sometime during the so called justice system procedures we were told evil said the gun went off because they hit a bump in the road. The gun was sent out and tested it did not have a hair trigger. To us the evidence was all wrapped up and complete so let us get on with the trial. No, we have more time waiting for judges and attorneys to get their shit together or in other words make more money by prolonging this case. Many months later they send the gun out again for testing and now it comes back with a hair trigger and because of that now they want to reduce the charge. Add to this the fact that one of the detectives was busted for a major drug ring and the judge was also busted for drugs and both of them will probably serve more time than evil. Truth be told they say 8 consecutive years for involuntary manslaughter, when actually it is 5 years for the manslaughter charge and another 3 for the harassment charge. Take a life and you get 5 years, harass a witness and you get 3, and they call that justice.

I can honestly say that I am at such a loss to this entire process. From day one of being in that interrogation room with Candice to this final day in court, the only word that comes to mind is JOKE. I remember the comment being made in the interrogation room about us watching the ID channel and the detectives saying that those shows aren't "real". Well the REAL that we were hit with today was a real smack in the face. First I don't know how many times I went up to that court, each time I left with a sinking feeling that Nyosha wouldn't get the justice that she so deserved. Why is it that today was the first day that we heard it was a rifle that was used? Why is it that when we talked to the states attorney, he told us 7 years max for involuntary manslaughter and 5 years max for harassment, then today the max was 5 and 3. So for all of you out there that watch the ID channel if you watch a show where you see a detective that works part time as a drug dealer, a judge that snorts coke, and a states attorney office that doesn't keep the family informed or gives them bogus info then that show is REAL and probably filmed in St. Clair County. 

Facts are facts, evil put a gun to the back of Nyosha’s head and pulled the trigger, dumped her body, destroyed evidence, threatened the only other person at the scene, made up lie after lie after lie and never admitted anything and that is only 5 years for taking the life of a 19 year old woman who was just beginning her life. Facts are facts, if you keep prolonging a case they will beat down the evidence and in the end justice fails and corruption's pockets are lined with the blood of many victims.

WhAt A dAy...WhEw!!!!

I know it has been awhile but today I need to vent. Maybe it is just the day but I have to ask why are people so inconsiderate, unintelligent and detestable. Not all people but man there are some real scumbags out there.

First thing this morning I hear about a 3 month old boy that has died and 1 day after he was born there was a neglect allegation against his mother. So why was he and his two siblings still in that home? The system sure did let him down. RIP Blake

Since March first a 2 year old has been in the news because she was severely beaten by her mother’s boyfriend, a 24-year-old dickhead beat a 2 year old to stop her from crying. She had surgery to remove a damaged intestine and may be on a feeding tube the rest of her life. Today Amanda was upgraded to fair condition. God watch over and protect Amanda

Then I see that Casey Anthony wants the state of Florida to help with her court cost since she has run out of money. You allegedly murder you two-year-old daughter and now you want help to pay for your court costs. Give me a break. RIP Caylee

Then I see that a local school district has laid off 40 employees because the state of Illinois is beyond broke and they are anticipating a state budget that cuts one billion from education. Why start at the bottom with the low paid teachers, when will they start at the top with pay cuts for the Governor, Lt. Governor, Attorney General, Secretary of State, Comptroller, Treasurer, Senators and Representatives.

Since I am talking about Illinois government let me make a broader statement. All government officials, AKA politicians are crooked. It is all about the dollar with them. If they have some big businesses lining their pockets they don’t care about anything else. Why don’t we ever hear about any of them getting their wages reduced? Plus cut back their health care or take it completely away and make them pay like some of the folks they represent. Sick of all the health care BS. I have dealt with hospitals, pharmacies and insurance companies through Dad’s cancer and also through Mom’s illness. Yes, I am glad and very lucky Dad had coal miner’s insurance. But seeing the cost of Mom and Dad’s prescriptions, hospital tests, and hospital stays, I can very well see how an illness could wipe out someone’s entire savings.

And what about generic prescriptions, they are cheaper but the same then why not just make generic and forget about that high priced original? How is it a hospital can get a prescription but pharmacies in our area can’t? FedEx, UPS and snail mail all stop delivering to pharmacies, but wait they get other scripts go figure. Why is it you have to pay to get a test like an MRI and then you have to pay some one to read it? How is it in this computer age that hospital’s can scan in your insurance card every time you go in there, but still can’t seem to bill the insurance company first? How is it that the insurance company gets the bill and still can’t pay because of who knows why? But then after many phone calls to the hospital and insurance company they realize that oh yeah it is OK for us to pay that bill. And heaven forbid that the hospital and insurance company talk to each other, no, no, they need some one else to call each of them and determine the problem. Yeah I absolutely love dealing with pharmacies, hospitals and insurance companies. Wonder if my government officials have such problems?

Last but certainly not least. I would like to comment about the f’ing scumbag that got on Wal-Mart’s intercom and said "Attention Wal-Mart customers: All black people leave the store now." I don’t know where to start with this one. All I keep thinking of is how if Manny, Jada or Greg was a little bit older and in a store and heard that how would that affect them. Just thinking that if they heard something like that and then questioned why the color of their skin made a difference pisses me off. Praying for the day when no one is discriminated against for the color of his or her skin, religious preference or sexual preference.

Yes it was just that kind of day. God bless and protect the children of this world from scumbags on this earth.

Peace, Love and Chicken Grease!!!!

BonFire 2009

Also want to thank all the guys for replacing my car port on that day. I truly aprreciate each and every one of you.

I have the best family. Love you all!

Two cents...I've got em!!

Got to throw my two cents in. I love it when someone takes a stand for what they believe in or stands up to support a family member, friend, or whatever. Granted some may think it was harsh or too extreme, but when you are fighting for someone you care about emotions run deep. When some thing happens to someone you care about, some people may take the path as to accept it and not do or say anything and others may not. Which way is correct? The only thing you can be positively sure on is that if it is what you believe then all is good. Guess what we all don’t have to agree on everything. There are always two or more points of view with every situation. It may not have been the way I would have handled it, but that doesn’t mean it was wrong. It means we have a different opinion on how to handle the situation.

I can say for myself, that the whole kids sports adventure never ceases to amaze me. I love to go watch kids play any type of sport. I would love it more if most of the parents were muzzled and strapped down and if the coaches would remember it is not MLB, NBA, or NFL. My personal opinion is that you gain more by being someone who builds up a kid’s confidence. You don’t have to yell at them like dogs. Do you really think that a kid wants to strike out, wants to drop the fly ball, wants to miss that easy lay up, or wants to hit their serve in the net? Then I would love to see the parents and coaches play. I mean by the way they are bitching and complaining I bet they are perfect when they play any sport. And damn if they are that perfect then why aren’t they playing for a professional team and making the big bucks.

Yes it is true that I am not a coach or a parent. I am a human and do have my right to my opinion. I just have a few more comments based on sayings that I remember from my parents. The first is that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, which I believe if you praise kids for their accomplishments and trying to do their best it will build up their confidence and they will do better. The second saying is all about those who can, do and those who can’t teach. It speaks for itself.

Another motto I love is Fuck em and feed em fish heads.

Happy Birthday, Larry!

I never had the pleasure of actually meeting you. I just wanted to take this time on your birthday to thank you for raising such an awesome daughter. Candice is my little sister, and a very true and loyal friend. At a very young age she is a very wise soul. Yeah she has her Jordan moments. LOL! But she is such a kind, caring and thoughtful person. She puts so many others before herself. First and foremost no one can deny how much she has helped Jada Bird and how much she loves her. Then there is your grand daughter Samantha, she is Candice’s life. Jada and Manny come first in your daughter’s heart, mind, and soul. If she had the means she would take care of so many kids in this world that need it. She is constantly there for all of your grand children who love and respect her. That love had to come from somewhere and I think it started with you.

From the many talks that I have had with Candice, she loves you so and loved talking care of you and being your daughter. I have an inkling of what she is going through, because I too lost my Dad to cancer. Only she lost you at a younger age then when I lost my Dad, I can’t even imagine how I would have made it at such a young age. I know her faith has gotten her through some rough times. She also likes to give Kim and I credit for helping her, but in my book she has helped me out ten fold, especially since my Mom passed away in 2007. She has been my saving grace. She is so wise when it comes to feelings, respect and daily living and dealing with emotions. I have to give you credit for instilling such values and morals into her. Truth…she makes me think and even is helping me with my biggest downfall of holding grudges. She is making me see how those grudges are hurting me and I need to let that shit roll right off my back and forget about it, like someone once told her. :o)

Larry from the bottom of my heart thanks so much for inspiring and encouraging Candice to be who she is today. I am so glad that I finally realize who the real Candice for myself and not what others were saying.

God Speed and Happy Birthday!

Just add family and a bad day is not so bad...

Six years ago today I lost my Dad. I always dread this day I would say that they are getting easier but... This year however it wasn't too bad. We (Kim, Candice, Jada Bird, Manny Turtle and I) crashed in on the Teeter reunion. It was great seeing everyone. It has been too long.

We decided to head up to Van on Saturday. I have been curious ever since I put the solar powered angel and flag on Dad and Mom's grave as to whether or not they were actually lighting up. So after we got the hotel room we headed out to the cemetery. Yeah it was dark and if Dad would have been there he would say that we were going snipe hunting. :) Kim and Candice seen them as soon as I turned off the highway, but because it was kind of foggy I was watching the road. Pulled right up beside and there they were lit up even though it had been rainy and cloudy all day. That made me so happy. Some of you may think I am crazy and those of you who really know me know I am, but I shut off the truck and turned off the lights. Here we all were in this country cemetery no lights and foggy as heck, looked like a Stephen King movie, but wasn't scared at all. I attempted to take some pictures but they didn't turn out too good, haven't watched the video but it will be on you tube if it isn't too bad. Dad tried many times when I was young to get me to go snipe hunting in the cemetery at night but I was too chicken. But last night there I was standing and didn't see any snipes :) Started sprinkling and it was pretty cool. Think Dad and Mom were sending me a message and as usual their hard headed daughter wasn't listening so it started pouring then I got it. :) :)

The Teeter reunion was awesome. Thanks Lucy, Rett, Teresa, Dixie, Keri and Angie it was great seeing all of you.

Kim, Candice, Jada Bird and my Manny Turtle thanks for staying close and keeping my mind busy.

Herbie, your spoiled brat baby girl misses you like crazy. I love you Dad.

A must see for all

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Think about you every day. Mostly all the great times and occasionally the argument or two or three that we had. Man did we argue we even drove Dad out of the room a few times. Really regret the ones about T cause all of what you said is ringing true now. Co-signed for her vehicle and boy did that cost me. Somewhere in Vegas is a Durango I own. LESSON LEARNED! Hindsight is always 20/20. Tried cleaning out your room. Was doing ok until I found some wheat pennies that you always saved for Uncle Jim. Memories flooded and had to stop. You were always thinking of everyone else. It has been 611 days since you headed to be with Dad or 1 year 8 months and 2 days and yeah I count them every now and then. I don't remember it being this hard with Dad but then I had you here to help me with that. Plus you took care of Dad's things. I helped but you sorted through it all. It is the sorting through and finding something that sparks a memory then I can't continue. Everyone says no rush and in time it will happen so that is what I am going with. Some day it will be OK. I know both of you see how this family is growing. Wish these little ones had gotten the chance to know you and Dad. I have sat and watched Turtle talk to your pictures at my house, so I am sure you are here watching over her and me. Bird also looks at that picture of you and her and points. I know she is pointing at you to let me know that you are looking out after her too. Kids see what we adults can't and I truly believe that. I don't get to see Greg as often as I would like, but just like you said in one of our lasts talks. He is in great hands with a very loving and caring Daddy and Mommy. Same with Anna Belle, I know you are watching over her too along with the rest of this Morgan clan. You kept us all safe and sound when you was here and now I know you are still doing that. I have gone to Sweetbriar a few times and Peggy and Michelle miss you dearly. They have a cool bench out in front with a plaque that says in Loving Memory of Betty Morgan. You touched so many people. Peggy always says it is just not the same and there will never be any one to take your place. That is so true. You were one of a kind. I am so grateful that you were my Mom, confidant, caretaker, teacher and most of all my best friend. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you and miss you tremendously. Thank you so much for being so special to me and to so many others out there. U R DA BEST!

Happy Fathers Day, sorry it is a day late

I know it is the day after but the actual day kills me so I spend those days with my family next door just to keep my mind moving and to keep me from breaking down constantly. We made a trip up to the cemetery since I hadn’t been up there since Mother’s Day weekend. I missed going up there around Memorial Day and that was really wearing on me. It did me good to go spend some time with them. Did some cleaning and fixing up. It was really muddy and water logged like everything else, but by the time we left it was looking good. And yeah there was one time I about busted my ass in the mud and water and I know both of them got a good laugh out of that. :)

Around Mother’s day I put out a list of memories about reasons why I loved Betty Mae, so here is the Herbie version.

OK Herbie I am gonna start with my earliest memories and venture through 36 wonderful years with you…

I loved the way you would take me with you, guess that is why they got me on video throwing a classic Morgan tantrum when I couldn’t go to work with you.
I loved when you would take me up to Joe and Kate’s; give me a shot glass of soda and a Slim Jim. Love Slim Jim’s to this day, reminds me of our special bonding.
I loved the way you would help me feed the horses apples, but really loved it when you would give them the Boone’s Farm.
I loved it when you got the splinter out of my butt. OK it did hurt really bad but felt better after it was out.
I loved how you would take me for a ride on Peanut.
I loved that you taught me how to fish.
I loved how you made me feel like I was the Bass Master, reeling in that minnow with all those fish hot after it, even though all those fish were the same size as the minnow or smaller.
I loved how you let me sleep with you and Mom after the Helter Skeltor incident.
I loved your love of country music. Thanks for turning me on to Johnny and Tammy those were the best 8 tracks that a girl could ever want.
I loved when you would let me help you when you worked on anything. At first I didn’t know which one was a crescent and which one was the pliers, but over the years you taught me all about tools and how to keep them organized and clean so they are ready the next time you need them.
I loved how we would go camping and fishing. We became quite the regulars in Teddy Bear camp area.
I loved when we caught a stringer full of channel cat, we had the perfect spot and were slaying them left and right. Dang it why did we leave them in the lake and go up and take a break, only to return and find a stringer full of channel cat heads. Damn Turtles!
I loved when we would go fishing all the time although fishing at the Kaskaskia was kind of scary for me. Love the lakes and ponds but the rivers scared me.
I loved how you taught me to mow and love mowing to this day. Opps sorry Mom for mowing over some of your flowers.
I loved when you would jump on my bike and ride it backwards, still amazed that you could do that.
I loved that you allowed me to have kids over all the time and they thought you were great and so funny.
I loved when you got me my bb gun and see I didn’t shoot my eye out.
I loved when we would sit out in the backyard with your gun and just wait for a ground hog to come out so we could shoot at it. Well I shot at it, you usually hit it.
I loved how you would brag about me to the guys you worked with. And Jack told you about me boxing with Paul and Kevin and kicking their ass. Yep you didn’t have a prissy little girl you had a tomboy that would scrap with any one.
I loved how you helped me when I broke my arm the second time. You knew when I came in the house it was broke and after the doctor trying to set it a couple of times you told him to stop and send me some place where they could fix it.
I loved when we went and got my first car. That 1966 Pontiac Catalina was awesome. It was my tank. I loved it.
I loved all of our trips that we would take, you Mom and me. West Virginia, Ohio, and the many trips to Taylorville and Vandalia to visit family.
I loved that you passed on your love for the Cubs to me and taught me how to be a true Cubs fan. You know being able to take all the jokes and look em straight in the eye and say: “There is always next year!”
I loved all of our family BBQ’s and how you would always make sure that you burnt a couple for me and you passed that on to Kim and Jerry cause they take care of me too.
I loved how you help me get my house together; tearing up carpet and tiles, painting, stripping trim, cleaning, plumbing, electric. You were a jack-of-all-trades.
I loved how you would come over and help me with any problem that arose dealing with my house. Although you did bail when I needed help with the snake. :)
I loved that you took care of all of us. You worked your ass off in the mines for many years.
I loved your dedication to the union all though I hated that your other union members didn’t have your drive and determination and devotion.
I loved your sense of humor and how you always had everyone laughing around you.
I loved your little ditty’s that you would sing constantly, you know like the dirty dirty drawers that Maggie wore. :)
I loved the way you could remember and retell jokes and the dirtier the better although Mom didn’t always think so. ;)
I loved the way you fought your battle with cancer. You went through some shit but still maintained your sense of humor.
I loved the way you was a true warrior right up until the end.

Pop there are a hundred trillion more memories and I am thankful for each and every one.

I know it is a day late but Happy Fathers Day, Herbie. I love you and miss you so much. You were the best, I learned so much from you. Thanks!

Relay for Life 2009

Last weekend was the Relay for Life here in Randolph County. We found out Dad had cancer in February 01. It was the first immediate hit to our family. Mind you we were aware of the disease because we knew Jeannie and Uncle Jr. had lost their battles and Bob was fighting his, but this was the first time we would be thrown directly into this chaos hell. All I can say is if you have seen it first hand then you understand what I mean by chaos hell. My Dad was always my hero, and seeing him in this battle my love and respect for him grew immensely. From that first mention of cancer, we were all scared as hell. One day we are hearing about nodules on the brain and next we are all packed in an office talking about radiation treatments and Dad was admitted the first day and put in ICU. It was hard as hell seeing him so upset sitting on that bed. But we kept telling him it was going to be OK and we were all in this together. So he started his regimen of radiation and chemo and OMG. I had always heard about the treatment nightmares. From the radiation weaken Dad to the chemo making him sicker than a dog and losing his hair, we did go through the treatment chaos. Then when Dad got thrush there was the battle between the chemo and radiation doctors pointing the fingers at each other saying the other treatment caused it. What was harder than hell was getting them to realize we didn’t care what caused it just fucking help my Dad with the pain and discomfort. Actually the treatments did help and Dad did get a break. So the spring of 02 I was never more proud of my Dad as seeing him walk around the relay for life track as a survivor. Yeah he did bring up the rear but that is cause Kim was walking with him and who knows what kind of bullshit was transpiring between those two. When the relay came along in 03 Dad was again going through treatments and couldn’t make it, so I made sure to make some laps for him. Then in September he lost his battle with this terrible disease. Ever since 01 I have made it a point to walk in the relays. Most of all I make sure that Dad is represented with a luminaria bag on that track. I went from getting a handful of bags and now I am up to around 20. Needless to say cancer fucking sucks. Sorry for the language but that is the way I feel.

Now I want to give a big thank you to my designer for some awesome luminaries this year. You did a great job, sorry you had to stay up so late to get them done. If you have some time please check out the slide show of bags and then the video from when they were lit for the ceremony.

In Loving Memory of...
Marie C. Lockart
Logan Lockart Jr.
Lenna S. Morgan
Charles H. Morgan
Bob Stine
Jeannie Jackson
Rick Jackson
Betty Lockart
Glenn Brookshire
Denzil Morgan
Chuck Crowder
Larry Williams
Renee Morgan
Carl Glasco
Larry Crowder
Gary Carns

In Honor of...
Edna Branham
Charles W. Morgan
Elaine Lederbrand

A Must See...

I am so thankful that Scrappy shared this with me. Everytime I watch it...it is just amazing...very moving...WOW!...goosebumps galore...so TRUE!!!!

Vacation Rewind

Last week I was on vacation getting ready for the 2009 Morgan Reunion, which in my opinion was a complete success. Here comes the rewind. I had to work Monday, which sucked. So Tuesday was the first day of vacation. Started by cleaning the house and preparing the pool to be opened. Also took Scrappy to the dentist to get a couple wisdom teeth pulled. OUCH! While waiting for her, I was reading the book, Running with Scissors, OH my this is a different book. I have trouble putting it down once I start. I can’t remember who told me about this book, but it is way different from all my Grisham and biographies that I read. Any way Scrappy got done after being tortured big time, so we headed back to the ranch. Wednesday again more cleaning, dusting in the house. Then outside water running in the pool, putting the pump together (hoping for no leaks) and preparing the chemicals and to take off the winter cover. Only a minor leak but fixed when Loser tightened the union that my wussy hands couldn’t. Also Dayle Ann brought over a stack of pictures for me to create a video for Emily for her graduation. Thanks to Loser and Scrappy the cover came off the pool. Water not too bad, threw the chemicals in and waited for them to kill everything in there. As usual I spent some time with my family next door, left about ten thirty that night to start scanning Emily’s pictures. I finished about one thirty that morning. Thursday up by six thirty to start working on the video. Finished at noon. Cleaned pool and added more chemicals for the final cleaning. Easiest opening yet. Only thing left is to put the steps in, but that water is cold and I say one of my lovely nephews will jump in there and put them in for me when they get here. Thanks Paul. Finished up on the house and the only thing left to do is shopping on Friday. Friday went with Scrappy to Wally World (Hate that store) to get things for the reunion. Got home and then cleaned some more then said good enough and waited for the Morgan clan to start arriving. We had Emily’s high school graduation at seven. First ones in was Charlie and Mary and they set up their tent in my lot. Next in was Kevin, Caryn and Greg, then Keith and Diane. Jim called and said his crew would meet us at the gym. I started up my AC cause the house was getting a little warm. We all headed up to the graduation. Emily had a huge support crew there. So proud of Emily she was the valedictorian plus she earned many scholarships. We ended up at Pistol City to finish celebrating Emily’s success. But first I ran home with Loser, Scrappy and the girls, and I found my house hotter than hell. OH shit the AC isn’t working, opened up all the windows and hoped for a breeze to cool it. And Loser was busy stealing Chuck’s golf clubs, just to you know be a pain in the ass. Pistol City was fun, or was that cause they sell Miller Lite? We ended up back at the hot ass homestead. Kevin and Diane kept me up until one excuse me I mean one fifteen according to Kev. Saturday got up at six and started calling Loser to get her up to start BBQing. Finally got her moving and myself too. Time to get ready for the Herbie and Betty Mae Reunion. Other than my ass a dragging from staying up with Kevin and Diane plus all the getting ready from Tuesday until Saturday, the reunion was a blast. Missed Dad and Mom like crazy but they were right there with me as always. The little ones kept me going, can’t wait until they are a little older next year. After the park we headed back to my house where those crazy kids got in that cold ass pool. Shivering and blue they didn’t care and according to some of the bigger kids, there was some shrinkage. ;) Finished the night just bonding with family over a few beverages. Did Caryn ever catch up with Ivan? Next morning the guys went golfing, I opted to stay home with my little dudes. More family bonding just sitting around. One by one they would pack up and head, but we decided that October would be the 2nd unofficial reunion/bon fire/birthday bash. I did get lucky and Kevin, Caryn and Greg decided to stay one more day. It was great graduation and reunion; enjoy some of the pictures below.

Emily and Drew...Awwwwww

Greg says the water is COLD!
Did Aunt Edna tie Chuck's shoe together?

Anna Belle loves the water!

Turtle loves Ma Ma's Mac N Cheese!

Scrappy, Turtle and Bird styling in their family shirts

Brandon give Emily's knee a rest Emily giving her valedictorian speech YEAH EM!

Herbie was smiling over this table

Hunter taking the big boys to school

Megan, Greg and Anna Belle having fun!

Yes it was as fun as it looks.

Peace Out!

Happy Mother's Day

I hate this time of year. I hate all the commercials on the radio and TV. I am sure the years to come it will get easier, but this is my second Mother’s Day without my beautiful Mama. Nope it isn’t getting any easier.

I stole this idea out of Tim Russert’s book, Wisdom of our Fathers, Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons, which by the way if you haven’t I would suggest that you read it and also his book, Big Russ and Me. Reading these two books brought back many memories of my Dad and Mom. Things I haven’t thought about in a long long time. One chapter in the book was devoted to these sons and daughters just writing letters that they told why they love their Dad. So I here is mine to my Mama…

OK Betty Mae gonna start with my earliest memories and venture through 40 wonderful years with you…

I loved it when you would walk with me and watch as I would head over to Margie and Melt’s, Ron and Joanie’s and down to Oscar and Marie’s.
I loved when you picked me up and consoled me and cleaned me up after Oscar and Marie’s dog plowed me over and I had nothing but muddy paw prints all over me.
I loved that you got me a dog (wish I could remember his name) that would grab my diaper or clothes if I even got close to the road.
I loved that you jumped in the pin to get the hurt baby pig, but when his Mama came I was scared and glad you got out of there in time.
I loved how you cared for the baby pig in the house until he was well enough to get back in the pin.
I loved how you held me when Dad was getting the splinter out of my butt. Guess I should have listened to you about not sliding down the stairs. Ouch!
I loved all the times you fixed my cuts and scrapes, sorry I was such a tom boy, but what choice did I have with the boys using my doll heads as baseballs. :)
I loved when we would walk through the trailer park, down to the beach, up toward Charlie and Mary’s or back and around to Ivan’s.
I loved how everyone envied your ability to keep and grow flowers and plant. Can’t remember her name but the lady in the trailer court would always tease me about you and your elephant ears.
I loved the way you held me in the hall when the tornado was coming toward Okawville.
I loved the way you let me sleep with you and Dad after getting so scared when I seen the ending of part one of Helter Skelter and there he was sitting there with those eyes. And know I didn’t watch the movie just happened to come out and see that image and that was all it took.
I loved when we would walk around the lake and to the little creek and I would catch tadpoles, and amazed cause some had legs. WOW!
I loved your love of country music. Thanks for turning me on to Johnny and Tammy those were the best 8 tracks that a girl could ever want.
I loved how you would play basketball with me even though I made fun of the way you shot the ball and how you usually made it.
I loved your love for Shetland sheep dogs, cause I got some way cool dogs like Rusty, Rocky, Spicey and then you had Gator Dude.
I loved how you had so many flowers growing in the yard in Coulterville, even though I complained about mowing around them. Our yard looked so pretty all the time.
I loved how you would walk up to the school with me for basketball, volleyball what ever it was you and me. :)
I loved how all my friends thought that I had the coolest Mom and they wanted you to adopt them. You treated them all as if they were yours.
I loved how you allowed me to invite them over all the time, cause my house was the best in town.
I loved how you would try to help me with my algebra then end up telling me you got through it by cheating off of some girl.
I loved that you trusted me to run amuck in the neighborhood, just as long as I was in before dark.
I loved that you accepted all my friends, just like you I seen what was on the inside and didn’t judge anyone by what anyone else said. I formed my own opinion.
I loved how you were sometimes a therapist to my friends, listening to their stories about their Mom and Dad’s, or whatever. You always made them feel better.
I loved how you tried to help me learn to write with my left hand when I broke my arm. It was always chicken scratch, but you said it was getting better.
I loved when we would make donuts out of biscuits. Mmmm
I loved helping you make all the pies, yeah like I was helping I just wanted a lot of pie crust left over for your Jiffy Pie. Mmmm Mmmmm
I loved how you made special pies, Cherry for Diane and Kim, Pecan for Ivan, Pumpkin for Rod, Dad loved them all and Me, mine was Chocolate.
I loved how you loved your ornery grandkids all 5 hundred thousand of them. You were the super cool Grandma cause you usually did what ever they asked you and you did the same with your great grandkids.
I loved how you made each one of us kids and grand kids a photo album.
I loved how you took care of me when I got sun poisoning and couldn’t walk, although I think you did make fun of me scooting around on my but everywhere.
I loved how you took care of my many broken bones, sprained ankles, and illnesses.
I loved how you helped me through the death of a few friends.
I loved when we got the pool; we had so much fun in there, you and your unsinkable butt.
I loved when you turned the hose on Diane and me and caused us to get sun burnt. ;)
I loved how you help me get my house together; tearing up carpet and tiles, painting, stripping trim, cleaning and you are the border master.
I loved when I called for help with getting a snake out of my house, you came right over cause you knew Dad would step foot in my house if there was a snake in it.
I loved that as an adult you accepted and treated all my friends with respect even though there were some you wanted me to get the hell away from and I should have listened.
I loved that you came to take care of me when I had my back surgery.
I loved that you had so much fun removing the bandage off my back slowing and pulling the hairs out and watching me squirm. I think you enjoyed that a little too much ;)
I loved the way you took care of Dad when he got sick. You were so strong.
I loved how you helped me with Dad’s death. Again you were so strong, I never would have made it with out you.
I loved how you would go to the cemetery with me when I needed to talk to Dad.
I loved how you did adopt so many, you would accept everyone when their parents or families were too busy judging them for their lives, you didn’t care you showed them love and understanding.
I loved the friends you made when you moved to Sweetbriar. Peggy and Michelle still check up on me. They are such a great ladies.
I loved that you moved in with me.
I loved our last trip to Sweetbriar that was a great weekend.
I loved the way we both laughed our asses off when you had an accident and I was holding your perfume bottle up to my nose while trying to help you. Now that was a funny site.

Mama there are a hundred trillion more memories and I am thankful for each and every one.

I know it is a day early but Happy Mother's Day, Betty Mae. I love you and miss you so much. You were the best, I learned so much from you. Thanks!

Props have to be given...

I spent last night at a Sweet Sixteen Princess party for Jess. It was a great time and I have to give some well deserve praise to Brandy. Brandy and Jess got up there at the beginning and was thanking people for coming. Then Brandy started talking about just what Jessica, her princess and Jimmy, her prince have meant to her. Yes the voice was breaking up cause she was speaking from the heart. I have been very privileged to have Brandy for a friend all these years. I have seen first hand how she has devoted her life to her two kids. From that 3:30 AM phone call that I received one morning, Brandy has been focused on making the best possible life for her two kids. If you are fortunate enough to know either one of her kids then you know she has succeeded.
She did it without help from the kid’s dad. Oh but wait just like many divorced men he probably thinks that he is doing his share from the infinitesimal amount of child support he is paying. I am not a parent but one thing I do know is that unless you have a kid 24/7, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month or 12 months a year, you have NO idea what it cost to raise a kid. I would love to see these so called dads live off of their support for just a month, hell just a week. Just see if that money would supply them with just food and clothing. I doubt it would. Enough of that soap box; bottom line is that the cost of raising a kid is a hell of a lot more than a weekly deduction from a check.
Now back to my original thought. Brandy is raising two wonderful kids and all the credit goes to her and no one else. Sure she has had help from her parents and friends, but it has been her drive and determination that has made it happen. I sat there last night and watched bonds that no one could break. I saw a mother-daughter bond, a mother-son bond and a brother-sister bond. These three have each other’s backs no matter what. And why are they there for each other always, because it has been the three of them through it all. I sat there and smiled as I watched all three of them out there on the dance floor. It didn’t matter if they were out there dancing to one of their awesome choreographed dances or just out there dancing to the latest and greatest, it was so apparent that those three have genuine love and respect for each other. I remember seeing that same look many years ago only it was Brandy out there dancing with her Grandma Rose.
No I wasn’t sitting there all night stalking these three, I was just so proud of my friend and what she has done. Jess is an awesome kid. I see so much of Brandy in her. She is her own person and she sticks by everything that she believes in. She has a heart of gold. Jimmy is also a very awesome and talented kid. He also has a heart of gold and his personality is so spectacular. Let me quote what Candice said to me about Jimmy and his personality. She said this world would be great if everyone had his personality. Amen amen.
So I have to give Brandy a big shout out for being such an impressive and marvelous single mother. You did everything you set you mind to during that early morning chat/bitch session. You have two kids that are very grateful for every sacrifice you made so they could do whatever. Messer’s party was a blast, thanks for including us in on the celebration. It seems like it was just yesterday when we were at your house watching the kids break that lamp. LOL

Eyes are Opened, finally...

OK so the tornado and hurricane are back in my head. Do you ever wonder if you are a good friend, acquaintance, or co-worker? I tend to rate my acquaintances, co-workers and friends on how I would treat them in a certain situation. And here lately I learned that I must be a complete idiot. I would never treat people that way and I don’t know how they sleep at night. You think you know some one and you are completely wrong. I have always been a person where words mean nothing to me. Actions are what I am about. I have heard the words come out of both sides of the mouth and no actions follow.

I like to think that I was taught by the best. Herbie and Betty Mae what better teachers. Everyone loved them and respected them. If they needed anything they had a limitless family and an infinite number of friends. I knew this but when Dad and Mom passed, I seen just how many lives they had touched. From the coal miners wiping their eyes when telling some joke Dad had pulled or the countless number of Mom’s additional kids remembering how Mom adopted them all no matter what, seeing and hearing how Dad and Mom brightened their lives made me even more proud of the best parents in the world. They set an example and that is how I want to be. Heck with being like Mike, I wanna be like Herbie and Betty Mae!!!

Rule number one: treat everyone with respect. Treat them how you would want to be treated. Seems so simple and it is common sense but so many have trouble with this. This world does not revolve around you, no matter what you think. We all put our jeans on the same way. It doesn’t matter what religion, sex, race, or social status you are; we are all the same. It doesn’t matter if you are from the big city or a small town in Southern Illinois. It doesn’t matter that someone buys his or her clothes from Wal Mart or from the mall. The only thing that matters is what is on the inside. You know that is what the Big Guy upstairs is going to be looking at come judgment day.

Rule number two: timeliness. What is considered good timing? Certainly not three weeks after you said you would do it the first time. I procrastinate too, hell ask my great nieces and nephews that get their birthday cards very belated. When asked to do something and commit to it, then do it. Don’t make excuses. To quote Betty Mae excuses are like assholes everyone’s got one. So we are all getting older and yep I will be the first to admit, I must actually make myself notes to do things. I never want to have to tell someone I forgot to do something they asked me to do, cause then it is like I forgot them too. And yeah there are times when we get busy with something else, but hey if you have a note it could remind you. We all have our own routines, like mine is get up, go to work, get pissed, come home, go see my family next door, and get in a better mood. There are many times when I have to veer off this routine. I might need to go see someone else in my family or a friend that I haven’t seen in quite a while or go get another tattoo (yeah this is coming up). So you just have to work new errands, responsibilities and tasks into your schedule and if it for family or friends like the Nike slogan, you JUST DO IT!

Rule number three: Recognize and Respond. If someone does something for you or continually does something for you, don’t act like nothing. Telling them every once in a while something like “Hey I appreciate whatever” goes a long way. When you say nothing, it is like you expect or you deserve whatever. No, this doesn’t mean you have to do this every minute of every day. A simple response every once in a great while that says you recognize that someone has been doing something for you, means you haven’t forgotten. Or even better that you are grateful and don’t deserve to be helped in such a way. I am a big supporter of “please” and “thank you”. Don’t expect anything. If people want to help you they will and if they do acknowledge it. A simple thank you goes a long way. I like helping people and there is no other motive. I am not trying to gain anything but maybe a friend. What can I say; I get a rush helping people, nothing like seeing a smile when you do something for someone. I am addicted to smiles; I can’t get enough.

If you haven’t already guessed it, I have been rather upset here lately. This blog is my cleansing. I am here to say first, Betty Mae was right and I learned the hard way how people change. Yep Mom, I should have listened to you on this one too. I am not the one who changed, and my eyes are opened now. Same as before I am the one making this decision, no one else is coercing me to do what I am doing. I am ending by saying that I have learned my lesson, my expensive lesson. Now I am done, time to move on. Breathe out the bad, breathe in the new. As the Beatles say, Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, life goes on bra, la la how life goes on…

Peace out!

My "Red Special" video for Turtle

Last two have the audio removed due to copyright...blah blah. The entire DVD with sound was a hit. Comments galore on me and Turtle swapping the chap stick.(Check out part three) LOL







And for a good laugh check out this video of Turtle's Grandma on New Years Eve.

My Bad...big mistake in the book of Red Rover

OK so I typed in something last night that I have to change. And all it was was one word but that is a very big word in my book. Basically I updated my status on Myspace, Facebook and Twitter, with what I had done yesterday, but now I have to modify or should I say clarify. No I have to change one word.

Here is what I put out there…

Myspace - Made a Red Special Video for Candice for Turtle's first year. Score...Nothing but smiles and smiles. Everyone loved it. Feels good to make friends happy!!!!!!!!
Facebook - Made a "Red Special" Video 4 Candice 4 Turtle's 1st year. Score...Nothing but smiles and smiles. Everyone loved it. Feels good to make friends happy!!!!!!!
Twitter - Made a special video 4 Candice 4 Turtle's 1st year. Score-Nothing but smiles & smiles. Everyone loved it-Feels good to make friends happy!

Basically the same message to all. After I shut everything down and headed to bed, it was then that I realized that I needed to change it. So that is why I am here now putting it out there cause I made a mistake and in my book it is a big one.

The last thought should be… Feels good to make FAMILY happy!

Sorry Scrappy and Turtle, my bad…I was a bit out of it after being on the computer all day working on the video…It won’t happen again and if it does I owe 20 quarters to the jar. LOL :)

Here it is finally…

Like I said there are many things running through my mind right now. Actually it is more like they are being whipped around like a tornado or hurricane. The best way for them to get the hell out is for me to vent, so if you don’t want to read the ramblings of a pissed off red head stop right here.
So the month of February was stressful as f#@$. I didn’t know if I was losing my job or what. They had already informed us that there would be layoffs and that every department would be getting hit. What was really messed up was that they had just hired a new guy for our department at corporate. WTF so here I am thinking that they hire new they will be getting rid of the ones that have been there for awhile and I just got my 20 year service award. So I think there is a big target on my back. I kept telling myself there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it, so I would just roll with it. My house and truck are paid off so I wasn’t in that bad of shape. But still the whole idea of starting over, what can I say change sucks.
Well I wasn’t one of the chosen, but one of my best friends did get it. So then I go through the guilt that I still have a job and here is a woman with a family that lost her job. But what really sucks is they said she could keep her job but she would have to go to thirds and run a die cast machine and with 2 kids that wasn’t an option. And lo and behold the 2 other people they told that too are on days, so essentially they lied. The real kicker is she was the receptionist and they said that they didn’t need one, but they come back with that our department would have to help with the phones. So you fire my friend then you want me to help with her job. Oh hell no! But I guess I am supposed to feel lucky cause I still have my job. Then there is the fact that now my phone rings constantly, and how am I suppose to concentrate on writing programs with that? Oh wait I forgot I have earphones in listening to music anyway so I can tune out the phone. Works for me.
I am not the main one answering the phone that responsibility goes to my other good friend, which now I feel guilty that I am not helping but if I answer then it is like I am screwing my friend that lost her job. Oh and it is supposed to be for a 3 week trial, this is the last week coming up, but not real happy with my manager(s) so I don’t see them protesting and forcing it away from our department.
So my boss was one that did get the axe, and I was happy about that cause he was horrible with communication but what sucks is his replacement’s communication skills seem to be the same. I hate having to baby-sit my bosses. You know send out several emails before you get an answer if I get one. But when they send one to me, it only takes one.
Another thing is I hate how certain people get to basically bitch and complain and they get out of doing shit. They say they are too busy or just flat out say I don’t have time to do it. WTF then they are doing nothing and you know this cause you hear them make comments on how they spent 2 hours doing something or they are on the phone all the time and not for work.
OK that is enough, I think except for one thing. I got to go back to communication. When asked to do something, I try to respect the person enough to at least reply or actually get the job done. Keep people informed, sounds simple but yet how many times do we hear, sorry I meant to but I forgot. Hey I am guilty too, especially now since I am getting older. But there is this awesome creation called a pen and paper that you can write shit down to remind yourself of what you have to do. Or if you are a geek like me then you have it in a computerized to do list. Or I love the excuse of I was busy doing blah blah or something else came up blah blah blah. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Hey guess what everybody is busy doing something, but you know what it amazes me that when you want to do something you can always find time to do it.
My attitude/hard head is my biggest downfall. All of February I did nothing cause I was worried/pissed about my job which was stupid. Nothing I could do but just put me in a funk where I didn’t want to do anything. My bad. Still not happy with work but what can you do. Also not happy with a few others, but what can you do. Time to say JDM and move on. Just Doesn’t Matter, can’t change people can only work on myself. So I will continue to treat people with respect cause that is what my Dad and Mom taught me.

Rant is over, stay tuned for pictures and videos of one heck of a first birthday party for my Turtle.

Happy First Birthday, Turtle!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe that you are one already that year went by quick. You came into this world and it was perfect timing for me. I had just lost my Mom a few months earlier and you were a God send. Thanks to your Mom, I had the privilege of seeing you every day if I wanted and that is what I wanted. That was what I needed; I needed to see the circle of life right before my eyes. One Morgan leaves and another one enters. Yeah, like it or not you are a Morgan. The only thing is that I wish you would have gotten to know Betty Mae, but I do believe that she is with you and Bird always. We even have some stories that leads me to believe that you do know Mom. You and your family have been my saving grace. When I needed a pick me up I headed to the neighbors and you welcomed me right into your world.

Those first months it was like you only liked your Mom and me, for whatever reason I still don't know. I like to think it was because I had Betty Mae on my side helping me. Normally I am scared of babies, but for some reason you trusted me and we bonded. So when you felt like driving TT nuts she would call me over and then you would quite down and fall asleep in my arms. Which was good on two counts we drove TT nuts and it was absolutely priceless watching a sweet angel like you fall asleep.

I have so many precious memories of this past year. Here are a couple that I tend to cherish and hold on too. When I need a pick me up this is what I think of...First and foremost is listening to Sugarland and seeing you right at the stereo dancing and turning it up. Or even better listening to Sugarland and holding you swaying back and forth and you singing in my ear right before you fall asleep. And to add to this memory are those times while we are swaying to the music and I am patting your back and you start patting my shoulder too. All of your many faces, your smiles and laughs. You just being goofy. Then the one that made my heart smile for a very long time, was when I was leaving after a lovely night with you girls, I had made my round giving you and Bird kisses and when I got to the door I turned around to say bye and you waved to me and gave me that beautiful smile. Tugged at my heart strings big time.

So my Turtle is going to be one and I see nothing but so many more precious and fun memories. Yeah we are going to drive your Mom crazy cause like I said you are a Morgan in every sense of the word. Yeah you can be your Mom's little princess, but your going to be our little rough neck too. And we are going to have so much fun. One thing that you can always count on is that I will be there for you no matter what.

Happy First Birthday, Turtle!!!
Love ya!

Oh No who knows what is coming....

Got something roaming around in my head and trying to get it to come out into the blog...so all I can say is stay tuned...coming soon...another rant from Red...bet you can't wait.

Yeah Right!

All I can tempt you with is things are not going the way I want them in some aspects of my life and when that happens I vent to my blog or my journal and or both. So who knows what will come out of this psycho mind of mine.