Here is to a 2009 filled with much SUNSHINE!

Just wanted to take a minute and wish everyone a Happy New Year. And I wanted to take time to dole out some Thank You's. December and the rest of 2008 was pretty rough for me and there were many actions and words of encouragement that got me through.

Keri and Angie - Thanks for the comments on the 13th. You guys are going through the same thing so I know you understand. We had some pretty special parents. Your Mom had a very special place in my heart also, she was one special lady and I know she was proud of her kids. You guys are the best. Love you!

Oh yeah and Angie sorry about messing with your Matty. I had to settle with listening to some Tim so evidently I wasn't good enough for my Timmy, so was you really that good for your Matty? At least I did get my ITunes. :)

Teresa - Thank you for the comments also. And I have been focusing on those good times and yeah there are millions of them.

Loretta - You know I adopted you just like Dad and Mom did. You seen Dad on his last day and I wish you could remember that joke too. You came and seen Mom also. She knew you, but heck who can forget you. Thanks for everything, you are the best.

Dixie - Love your comments too. You also understand the grieving process. Yeah it sucks but we all have to go through it I am just thankful I have family and friends that understand.

Gila - Your email about my Mom and Dad was awesome, I have went back and read it over and over again.

Michelle and Peggy - Talking to you on the phone and your cards remind me just how much Mom meant to many people. And yeah her laughter was infectious.

Hooker - I owe you a big thank you for all the supportive text messages and phone calls. I still am amazed that you could tell from a text if I needed a phone call or not. Also thanks for the therapy road trips, we never went anywhere but we traveled miles. :)

Brandy - Your Gold Star card hit the nail on the head. I keep it close to me at all times and read it a lot. It says it all. I have been through so much and you have always been there for me. I can remember when Betsy died, you were the one that got me through that. I can always count on you.

Loser (Kim)- I thank God everyday that you are my neighbor and niece. You have gotten me through many rough times and I know they were hard for you also, but some how we were therapy for each other. Really thankful for our porch therapy sessions. :)

Scrappy (Candice)- Just like Loser I thank God everyday that you are my neighbor and true friend. And yeah even though I said I didn't want those hugs, I am glad that I got them. Also really like the stories of how Mom messes with you, see she always said she would come and haunt you. :)

Loser and Bird (Jada) & Scrappy and Turtle (Samantha) - Thanks for letting me spend unlimited hours at your house with Bird and Turtle. And yeah sorry if they picked up any of my bad habits. I could be having the worse day and all I have to do is walk in and see my little rays of sunshine smiling at me. I was really thankful for you all going with me to the cemetery, made it easier. Love our family trips together can't wait for our next trip to Gordman's. WAHOO!

You all helped me make it through 2008 and I appreciate and love all of you.


The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

The year in review, ready or not here I go

January 2008 - Pretty much a blur. I was starting my first year without both Mom and Dad, and with the help of my great family immediate and extended and some friends that I consider family, and the Big Guy upstairs, I did make it through 2008. Still have a couple days to go though.

February – I had a birthday in there somewhere and did make a trip to Vegas. I had hoped that the trip away would help, but think I was just running from everything and guess what everything was still here when I got back. Again think I was just going through the motions.

March – Samantha arrived on the 11th. Seeing her the first time, she was so tiny her arm was the size of my index finger. I was shaking so bad. And when I held her for the first time, usually I am scared of babies especially tiny ones, but I heard Betty Mae whisper in my ear and it was so…circle of life. Don’t know how to explain it other than that. Then later that month I watched Renee pass away. That time had Déjà vu moments all around.

April – Spent my time getting acquainted with Samantha or my Turtle as I call her. The really weird thing is that those first few months she only really liked two people and that was her Mom, Candice and me for some reason. I got many panic calls from Kim and would go over to calm Samantha down. Don’t know what it was, but I think I had Betty Mae on my side.

May – This month was tough as hell because of Mothers Day and then we had our first reunion without Dad and Mom and Renee.

June – Another hard month because of Fathers Day and I lost on old friend, Carl, but on the bright side another great niece was born, Anna Belle.

July – The Fourth of July at Ivan’s was fun until Marina caught on fire. Thanks to Uncle Jeremy her burn was not too bad. Damn sparklers!

August – I got through Mom’s birthday with the help of friends and family. I had a party for Kim it was a blast. Then also right around there Gregory’s adoption was finalized. Another Morgan added to our family, really he has been a Morgan since Dec 11, 2007 but now all the I’s were dotted and T’s crossed.

September – It has been 5 years since we lost Dad and then it was also Renee’s birthday. Also my Bird turned 5, now she is a real ray of sunshine for me.

October – I had the bonfire at my house and have dubbed it the unofficial 2nd reunion for this Morgan clan. What a Great time! Plus I found out my little cousin Owen was OK, no tumor in his head. That was some GREAT news.

November – Hell Yeah! Obama won! Time for a change, finally. I lost another dear friend, Olon.

December – On the 11th Gregory turned one. On the 13th it was one year ago that I lost my Mom. On the 14th we celebrated Aunt Edna’s 90th birthday also found out my cousin Donna Joyce had passed away. Christmas at Sharon’s then Friday buzzed up to Keith and Diane’s then on Sunday buzzed down to Charlie and Mary’s. Got to see all my little rays of sunshine and all my family. Plus my cousin Brian came home after 12 years of being gone.

Other bullet points for 2008
Super Bowl - Giants win and end New England’s perfect season and sacking Tommy Boy 5 times. What a catch David Tyree!

Olympics – Mr. Phelps can you count to EIGHT!

My TV Picks
True Blood – Didn’t think I would like this vampire series but boy was I wrong, I am addicted.
Life – Started this last year and just love Charlie Crews and the whole story line.
The L Word – A friend tuned me into this and I didn’t think I would like a show about lesbians. Definitely opened up my eyes to some of her trials that she goes through here in Podunk. Maybe one day people won’t be so judgmental, I mean after all we do have a black president now. I am hooked on this show and the series ends next year, go figure.
Tina Fey as Palin – I don’t care who you are but you know that is f’ing hilarious.

My Music Picks
Saving Abel – This album rocks, there isn’t a song that I don’t like on this album. Had never heard of them until a friend told me about them. New Tattoo and Sailed Away my favs
Kid Rock – Rock and Roll Jesus – Absolutely love this entire album also. Blue Jeans and a Rosary my fav on this one. Get a chance add this to your collection.
Ray LaMontagne – WHO? One of myspace buddies turned me on to this man. Mellow and awesome music. Now I hear his music a lot on soundtracks that I never knew before.
Kaiser Chiefs – Another myspace turn on. Remind me of my 80’s music and me loves my 80’s :)
Sugarland – They never put out a bad album. Love Love Love Lyrics and music. Can’t wait for their next album.

Curtain Calls
Brad Renfro – Loved this kid in The Client, reminded me of River Phoenix and imagine that their lives both ended at a young age.
Heath Ledger – Along with everyone else this blew me away.
Harvey Korman – This man made me laugh so much. I love the Carol Burnett Show. Him and Tim Conway nothing else needs to be said.
George Carlin – 7 Dirty words need I say more, loved his comedy
Estelle Getty –Dad, Mom and I loved the Golden Girls, we laughed so hard at this show. Sophia had the best zingers.
Paul Newman – Cool Hand Luke my fav many good memories of watching this movie with Dad. That Ole Luke Smile up until the very end.

Last Final Thought for 2008 - My Cubbies fell completely apart…WTF

Happy Holidays

Hey Family, Friends and Bloggers...

Red Rover is here wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that jazz.

Did some last minute shopping for myself online at ITunes, and yeah I have been a good girl so I deserved it. What can I say, MUSIC is my salvation. Pink's album kicks ass, The Oak Ridge Boys album a blast from the past, one from BRUCE, my new fav Ray Lamontagne, Ride from Martina, Keith Anderson's I still miss you, and some Chicken Fried. Yeah it has grown on me where I love it now. So Merry Christmas to me.

Hope everyone has a great holiday. Time for me to get to bed so Santa can bring me that lump of coal or Tim McGraw and/or Matthew Maconahay Hey Hey Hey!!!! Yeah I have been that good too :)

Love ya!!!!
Red Rover AKA Lenna Marie

Because you loved me...

I have tried a couple times to get this typed out but just couldn’t do it until now. I took a vacation day last Friday to make a trip up to the cemetery. The trip up there I kept thinking about a year ago when I was sitting by Mom’s bedside and knowing. I left her room at around 12:30 that night and left Keith and Diane with her. The next morning when the phone rang I knew her suffering was over. I got to the cemetery and it was snowing and freezing. I got out and added my Christmas flowers to the vases. Then added the Christmas flower vines to the hooks. My hands were not working in this wind and cold. All the time I was having my conversations with Mom and Dad. Then I ran the final vine over both hooks, made sure I tied everything down. Then I went to my truck to play some music for Mom and Dad. It was cloudy, windy and cold so I needed the heat in the truck. The first song I played was “An eagle when she flies” for Mom. I am sitting in my truck looking at Mom and Dad’s grave, crying my eyes out and then the sun shines for a moment through the clouds. The angle of the sun and hooks I have on the graves forms a heart shadow. OK so call me crazy but that is what happened. I told Mom I got the message. And yes it happened when I played “Daddy’s hands” for Dad and I told him I got the message too. It was cloudy and snowing when I got there and then the freezing wind blew the clouds away and when I left the sun was shining. Yeah I was still crying but I was smiling too from the messages that I got. As I am driving away there was my camera right beside me so why didn’t I take a picture. Actually I don’t need a picture cause it will be with me forever, just like the doves on my roof. And the last song for them was “Because you loved me”, the lyrics say it the all.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am because you loved me

One year ago today...

I lost my best friend, my Mama, Betty Mae.

Think of you every day and miss you like crazy.

You are forever and always in my heart!

Love you!

I Still Miss You...

I can remember being a punk ass kid and making fun of my sister-in-law, Diane cause she would start crying as soon as a certain song would start playing. I believe it was “He stopped loving her today” by George Jones. But after Dad passed I was the same way with “Daddy’s Hands” by Holly Dunn, and now with Mom it is “An eagle when she flies” by Dolly Parton or “Why me Lord” by Kris Kristofferson. These were the songs that we had played at their services. There is a song that is on the radio all the time now and it tears me up. Granted it doesn’t help that my idle time is spent thinking about what I was doing a year ago. The song is “I still miss you.”

I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed like hell but I still miss you
I've tried sober I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
And I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

This pretty much sums up my last year without my Mama, Betty Mae.

I never knew til you were gone
How many pages you were on
It never ends I keep turning
And line after line you're there again
I don't know how to let you go
You are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
It's a door that never closes
No I don't know how to do this

She helped me so much after Dad passed, but when she passed it was different. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have my family and some friends that have been great in helping me, but it is just different. Mom was my Best Friend and the support system for so many. Mom was a Mom and Grandma Betty to many that were not related which to me just meant that I had a gi-normous family. The more the merrier.

I got an email from a friend that let me know just how special my parents were, which I knew, but when you hear from others it makes you so PROUD. Below is part of the email and like I said in the reply…G this meant so much to me… :)

Keeping up with your life reminds me of the times I was happy as a kid. Let’s not forget how shitty it was to be me as a teen. You realize your home was probably the most stable environment I knew for many years. No parents fighting at your house. Parents who actually liked being with us kids. People laughing all the time even when the shit was deep. Hugs from your mom and getting picked on by your dad saved me from more than one attempt at suicide. (No shit) I can still hear your mom calling me a little shit, and those words were like sugar dripping from her lips to me. I don’t think you really have any idea what you being my friend meant growing up. What it meant that you let me be a part of that crazy family of yours. What it meant that you were always my friend no matter how shitty things got or how bad I felt about myself or what crazy things I did.

This trait I learned from my Mom and Dad, always stick by your family and friends no matter what!

So as the 13th inches closer and I have yet determined a way to turn off my mind other than spending time with my Bird and Turtle :) gonna focus on all those great times. Like our last road trip to Van, we had a fun time. Mom loved visiting the ladies as Sweetbriar. Just remembering her laughing with Peggy and Michelle puts a smile on my face right now.

I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed like hell but I still miss you
I've tried sober I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
And I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you Betty Mae!

Pics and Video...from the weekend

Hope you enjoy the video and pics, sorry they are late, got sick and pretty much been drugged up since Monday night. Speaking of drugs think I am due for some more right now...got to go...cya!