I Still Miss You...

I can remember being a punk ass kid and making fun of my sister-in-law, Diane cause she would start crying as soon as a certain song would start playing. I believe it was “He stopped loving her today” by George Jones. But after Dad passed I was the same way with “Daddy’s Hands” by Holly Dunn, and now with Mom it is “An eagle when she flies” by Dolly Parton or “Why me Lord” by Kris Kristofferson. These were the songs that we had played at their services. There is a song that is on the radio all the time now and it tears me up. Granted it doesn’t help that my idle time is spent thinking about what I was doing a year ago. The song is “I still miss you.”

I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed like hell but I still miss you
I've tried sober I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
And I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

This pretty much sums up my last year without my Mama, Betty Mae.

I never knew til you were gone
How many pages you were on
It never ends I keep turning
And line after line you're there again
I don't know how to let you go
You are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
It's a door that never closes
No I don't know how to do this

She helped me so much after Dad passed, but when she passed it was different. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have my family and some friends that have been great in helping me, but it is just different. Mom was my Best Friend and the support system for so many. Mom was a Mom and Grandma Betty to many that were not related which to me just meant that I had a gi-normous family. The more the merrier.

I got an email from a friend that let me know just how special my parents were, which I knew, but when you hear from others it makes you so PROUD. Below is part of the email and like I said in the reply…G this meant so much to me… :)

Keeping up with your life reminds me of the times I was happy as a kid. Let’s not forget how shitty it was to be me as a teen. You realize your home was probably the most stable environment I knew for many years. No parents fighting at your house. Parents who actually liked being with us kids. People laughing all the time even when the shit was deep. Hugs from your mom and getting picked on by your dad saved me from more than one attempt at suicide. (No shit) I can still hear your mom calling me a little shit, and those words were like sugar dripping from her lips to me. I don’t think you really have any idea what you being my friend meant growing up. What it meant that you let me be a part of that crazy family of yours. What it meant that you were always my friend no matter how shitty things got or how bad I felt about myself or what crazy things I did.

This trait I learned from my Mom and Dad, always stick by your family and friends no matter what!

So as the 13th inches closer and I have yet determined a way to turn off my mind other than spending time with my Bird and Turtle :) gonna focus on all those great times. Like our last road trip to Van, we had a fun time. Mom loved visiting the ladies as Sweetbriar. Just remembering her laughing with Peggy and Michelle puts a smile on my face right now.

I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed like hell but I still miss you
I've tried sober I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
And I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you Betty Mae!