Here is to a 2009 filled with much SUNSHINE!

Just wanted to take a minute and wish everyone a Happy New Year. And I wanted to take time to dole out some Thank You's. December and the rest of 2008 was pretty rough for me and there were many actions and words of encouragement that got me through.

Keri and Angie - Thanks for the comments on the 13th. You guys are going through the same thing so I know you understand. We had some pretty special parents. Your Mom had a very special place in my heart also, she was one special lady and I know she was proud of her kids. You guys are the best. Love you!

Oh yeah and Angie sorry about messing with your Matty. I had to settle with listening to some Tim so evidently I wasn't good enough for my Timmy, so was you really that good for your Matty? At least I did get my ITunes. :)

Teresa - Thank you for the comments also. And I have been focusing on those good times and yeah there are millions of them.

Loretta - You know I adopted you just like Dad and Mom did. You seen Dad on his last day and I wish you could remember that joke too. You came and seen Mom also. She knew you, but heck who can forget you. Thanks for everything, you are the best.

Dixie - Love your comments too. You also understand the grieving process. Yeah it sucks but we all have to go through it I am just thankful I have family and friends that understand.

Gila - Your email about my Mom and Dad was awesome, I have went back and read it over and over again.

Michelle and Peggy - Talking to you on the phone and your cards remind me just how much Mom meant to many people. And yeah her laughter was infectious.

Hooker - I owe you a big thank you for all the supportive text messages and phone calls. I still am amazed that you could tell from a text if I needed a phone call or not. Also thanks for the therapy road trips, we never went anywhere but we traveled miles. :)

Brandy - Your Gold Star card hit the nail on the head. I keep it close to me at all times and read it a lot. It says it all. I have been through so much and you have always been there for me. I can remember when Betsy died, you were the one that got me through that. I can always count on you.

Loser (Kim)- I thank God everyday that you are my neighbor and niece. You have gotten me through many rough times and I know they were hard for you also, but some how we were therapy for each other. Really thankful for our porch therapy sessions. :)

Scrappy (Candice)- Just like Loser I thank God everyday that you are my neighbor and true friend. And yeah even though I said I didn't want those hugs, I am glad that I got them. Also really like the stories of how Mom messes with you, see she always said she would come and haunt you. :)

Loser and Bird (Jada) & Scrappy and Turtle (Samantha) - Thanks for letting me spend unlimited hours at your house with Bird and Turtle. And yeah sorry if they picked up any of my bad habits. I could be having the worse day and all I have to do is walk in and see my little rays of sunshine smiling at me. I was really thankful for you all going with me to the cemetery, made it easier. Love our family trips together can't wait for our next trip to Gordman's. WAHOO!

You all helped me make it through 2008 and I appreciate and love all of you.


The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

The year in review, ready or not here I go

January 2008 - Pretty much a blur. I was starting my first year without both Mom and Dad, and with the help of my great family immediate and extended and some friends that I consider family, and the Big Guy upstairs, I did make it through 2008. Still have a couple days to go though.

February – I had a birthday in there somewhere and did make a trip to Vegas. I had hoped that the trip away would help, but think I was just running from everything and guess what everything was still here when I got back. Again think I was just going through the motions.

March – Samantha arrived on the 11th. Seeing her the first time, she was so tiny her arm was the size of my index finger. I was shaking so bad. And when I held her for the first time, usually I am scared of babies especially tiny ones, but I heard Betty Mae whisper in my ear and it was so…circle of life. Don’t know how to explain it other than that. Then later that month I watched Renee pass away. That time had Déjà vu moments all around.

April – Spent my time getting acquainted with Samantha or my Turtle as I call her. The really weird thing is that those first few months she only really liked two people and that was her Mom, Candice and me for some reason. I got many panic calls from Kim and would go over to calm Samantha down. Don’t know what it was, but I think I had Betty Mae on my side.

May – This month was tough as hell because of Mothers Day and then we had our first reunion without Dad and Mom and Renee.

June – Another hard month because of Fathers Day and I lost on old friend, Carl, but on the bright side another great niece was born, Anna Belle.

July – The Fourth of July at Ivan’s was fun until Marina caught on fire. Thanks to Uncle Jeremy her burn was not too bad. Damn sparklers!

August – I got through Mom’s birthday with the help of friends and family. I had a party for Kim it was a blast. Then also right around there Gregory’s adoption was finalized. Another Morgan added to our family, really he has been a Morgan since Dec 11, 2007 but now all the I’s were dotted and T’s crossed.

September – It has been 5 years since we lost Dad and then it was also Renee’s birthday. Also my Bird turned 5, now she is a real ray of sunshine for me.

October – I had the bonfire at my house and have dubbed it the unofficial 2nd reunion for this Morgan clan. What a Great time! Plus I found out my little cousin Owen was OK, no tumor in his head. That was some GREAT news.

November – Hell Yeah! Obama won! Time for a change, finally. I lost another dear friend, Olon.

December – On the 11th Gregory turned one. On the 13th it was one year ago that I lost my Mom. On the 14th we celebrated Aunt Edna’s 90th birthday also found out my cousin Donna Joyce had passed away. Christmas at Sharon’s then Friday buzzed up to Keith and Diane’s then on Sunday buzzed down to Charlie and Mary’s. Got to see all my little rays of sunshine and all my family. Plus my cousin Brian came home after 12 years of being gone.

Other bullet points for 2008
Super Bowl - Giants win and end New England’s perfect season and sacking Tommy Boy 5 times. What a catch David Tyree!

Olympics – Mr. Phelps can you count to EIGHT!

My TV Picks
True Blood – Didn’t think I would like this vampire series but boy was I wrong, I am addicted.
Life – Started this last year and just love Charlie Crews and the whole story line.
The L Word – A friend tuned me into this and I didn’t think I would like a show about lesbians. Definitely opened up my eyes to some of her trials that she goes through here in Podunk. Maybe one day people won’t be so judgmental, I mean after all we do have a black president now. I am hooked on this show and the series ends next year, go figure.
Tina Fey as Palin – I don’t care who you are but you know that is f’ing hilarious.

My Music Picks
Saving Abel – This album rocks, there isn’t a song that I don’t like on this album. Had never heard of them until a friend told me about them. New Tattoo and Sailed Away my favs
Kid Rock – Rock and Roll Jesus – Absolutely love this entire album also. Blue Jeans and a Rosary my fav on this one. Get a chance add this to your collection.
Ray LaMontagne – WHO? One of myspace buddies turned me on to this man. Mellow and awesome music. Now I hear his music a lot on soundtracks that I never knew before.
Kaiser Chiefs – Another myspace turn on. Remind me of my 80’s music and me loves my 80’s :)
Sugarland – They never put out a bad album. Love Love Love Lyrics and music. Can’t wait for their next album.

Curtain Calls
Brad Renfro – Loved this kid in The Client, reminded me of River Phoenix and imagine that their lives both ended at a young age.
Heath Ledger – Along with everyone else this blew me away.
Harvey Korman – This man made me laugh so much. I love the Carol Burnett Show. Him and Tim Conway nothing else needs to be said.
George Carlin – 7 Dirty words need I say more, loved his comedy
Estelle Getty –Dad, Mom and I loved the Golden Girls, we laughed so hard at this show. Sophia had the best zingers.
Paul Newman – Cool Hand Luke my fav many good memories of watching this movie with Dad. That Ole Luke Smile up until the very end.

Last Final Thought for 2008 - My Cubbies fell completely apart…WTF

Happy Holidays

Hey Family, Friends and Bloggers...

Red Rover is here wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that jazz.

Did some last minute shopping for myself online at ITunes, and yeah I have been a good girl so I deserved it. What can I say, MUSIC is my salvation. Pink's album kicks ass, The Oak Ridge Boys album a blast from the past, one from BRUCE, my new fav Ray Lamontagne, Ride from Martina, Keith Anderson's I still miss you, and some Chicken Fried. Yeah it has grown on me where I love it now. So Merry Christmas to me.

Hope everyone has a great holiday. Time for me to get to bed so Santa can bring me that lump of coal or Tim McGraw and/or Matthew Maconahay Hey Hey Hey!!!! Yeah I have been that good too :)

Love ya!!!!
Red Rover AKA Lenna Marie

Because you loved me...

I have tried a couple times to get this typed out but just couldn’t do it until now. I took a vacation day last Friday to make a trip up to the cemetery. The trip up there I kept thinking about a year ago when I was sitting by Mom’s bedside and knowing. I left her room at around 12:30 that night and left Keith and Diane with her. The next morning when the phone rang I knew her suffering was over. I got to the cemetery and it was snowing and freezing. I got out and added my Christmas flowers to the vases. Then added the Christmas flower vines to the hooks. My hands were not working in this wind and cold. All the time I was having my conversations with Mom and Dad. Then I ran the final vine over both hooks, made sure I tied everything down. Then I went to my truck to play some music for Mom and Dad. It was cloudy, windy and cold so I needed the heat in the truck. The first song I played was “An eagle when she flies” for Mom. I am sitting in my truck looking at Mom and Dad’s grave, crying my eyes out and then the sun shines for a moment through the clouds. The angle of the sun and hooks I have on the graves forms a heart shadow. OK so call me crazy but that is what happened. I told Mom I got the message. And yes it happened when I played “Daddy’s hands” for Dad and I told him I got the message too. It was cloudy and snowing when I got there and then the freezing wind blew the clouds away and when I left the sun was shining. Yeah I was still crying but I was smiling too from the messages that I got. As I am driving away there was my camera right beside me so why didn’t I take a picture. Actually I don’t need a picture cause it will be with me forever, just like the doves on my roof. And the last song for them was “Because you loved me”, the lyrics say it the all.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am because you loved me

One year ago today...

I lost my best friend, my Mama, Betty Mae.

Think of you every day and miss you like crazy.

You are forever and always in my heart!

Love you!

I Still Miss You...

I can remember being a punk ass kid and making fun of my sister-in-law, Diane cause she would start crying as soon as a certain song would start playing. I believe it was “He stopped loving her today” by George Jones. But after Dad passed I was the same way with “Daddy’s Hands” by Holly Dunn, and now with Mom it is “An eagle when she flies” by Dolly Parton or “Why me Lord” by Kris Kristofferson. These were the songs that we had played at their services. There is a song that is on the radio all the time now and it tears me up. Granted it doesn’t help that my idle time is spent thinking about what I was doing a year ago. The song is “I still miss you.”

I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed like hell but I still miss you
I've tried sober I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
And I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

This pretty much sums up my last year without my Mama, Betty Mae.

I never knew til you were gone
How many pages you were on
It never ends I keep turning
And line after line you're there again
I don't know how to let you go
You are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
It's a door that never closes
No I don't know how to do this

She helped me so much after Dad passed, but when she passed it was different. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have my family and some friends that have been great in helping me, but it is just different. Mom was my Best Friend and the support system for so many. Mom was a Mom and Grandma Betty to many that were not related which to me just meant that I had a gi-normous family. The more the merrier.

I got an email from a friend that let me know just how special my parents were, which I knew, but when you hear from others it makes you so PROUD. Below is part of the email and like I said in the reply…G this meant so much to me… :)

Keeping up with your life reminds me of the times I was happy as a kid. Let’s not forget how shitty it was to be me as a teen. You realize your home was probably the most stable environment I knew for many years. No parents fighting at your house. Parents who actually liked being with us kids. People laughing all the time even when the shit was deep. Hugs from your mom and getting picked on by your dad saved me from more than one attempt at suicide. (No shit) I can still hear your mom calling me a little shit, and those words were like sugar dripping from her lips to me. I don’t think you really have any idea what you being my friend meant growing up. What it meant that you let me be a part of that crazy family of yours. What it meant that you were always my friend no matter how shitty things got or how bad I felt about myself or what crazy things I did.

This trait I learned from my Mom and Dad, always stick by your family and friends no matter what!

So as the 13th inches closer and I have yet determined a way to turn off my mind other than spending time with my Bird and Turtle :) gonna focus on all those great times. Like our last road trip to Van, we had a fun time. Mom loved visiting the ladies as Sweetbriar. Just remembering her laughing with Peggy and Michelle puts a smile on my face right now.

I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed like hell but I still miss you
I've tried sober I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
And I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you Betty Mae!

Pics and Video...from the weekend

Hope you enjoy the video and pics, sorry they are late, got sick and pretty much been drugged up since Monday night. Speaking of drugs think I am due for some more right now...got to go...cya!

Turkey Weekend Wrap Up...

So I made it through Turkey day and the weekend. I would like to thank all my friends that blew up my phone on Turkey Day morning; I appreciated all the text messages.

First went over to see my girls. What a great way to start the day, seeing Bird and Turtle’s smiling face right when I walked in. Sat on the couch and watched Kim and Candice scrambling to get each of the girls ready to go to Sharon’s. Headed out to Sharon’s. Ivan, Jeremy, Max, Kenny, Cierra, Lil Kenny, Rod and Sharon and Jerry were there. Kim and Candice and the girls arrived shortly after me. We had a great meal and I was stuffed. Visited for a while then loaded in the truck to head to Keith and Diane’s. The 2 ½ hour drive was tough. A lot of time to think but had my Ipod play list loaded with all upbeat songs. Plus I think the one thing that really helped me was changed my wallpaper on my phone, it is now a picture of Mom and Dad. Almost ran my battery down a few times just opening and looking at it all this weekend, another reason why I appreciated all the texts that morning.

Got up to Tville and Charlie and Mary were also up there and Zane came up there too. But the star of the show Grey didn’t show up until later. I walked in and got a big hug from Mercedez, then Jay Man came up from the basement and gave me a hug and Hunter even came up and gave me a hug. That about blew me away. Those guys are growing up too fast. I even got some love from Tornado Ryan, I love that boy he is so fun to watch and pick on, who am I kidding I love picking on all of my great nieces and nephews. I did it to their parents so why not continue the tradition. Again we had another great meal. I was so miserable, but that is what Turkey Day is about. Everyone was waiting for Kevin, Caryn and Grey, so while waiting I did my best to torment. Unfortunately Shannon got the brunt of it. Talk about a professional shopper she had every sale ad and went through them with a fine tooth comb, while I gave her so much grief. I did the day after shopping once and will never do it again unless I have full riot gear and weapons.

Grey finally got up there and he was the star of the show. I haven’t seen him since I spent the weekend with them a couple months ago. Little man was walking and so handsome. What a difference a couple months makes. They grow up too fast. We all stayed until Saturday. So it was great bonding with all the kids. The late nights bonding with adult kids was fun also. Maybe not for the adults trying to sleep. Rule number one don’t leave Kevin and me and an 18 pack of Miller Lite alone and add Diane to that and there was a lot of belly laughs. We did find out that it takes one sober person and two drunks to put turkey in a zip lock baggie.

The trip home was tough also even with the tunes jamming. Did receive a couple phone calls that kept my mind off of everything for a minute or two. Thanks Hooker!

I do have many pictures and some video from the weekend and will get them uploaded and posted hopefully tomorrow.

Angie I am sorry I didn’t get to come over and see you. I really wanted to. No excuses except what can I say I am a slacker and suck as a cousin. I’ll make my resolution to try to do better next year.

Not looking forward to the next few weeks. There are some bright spots that I am looking forward too. One is next weekend, going up to Macomb for Grey's first birthday party then the following weekend going to Farmington for Aunt Edna's 90th birthday party. Other than that just going to keep my music close and turned up and keep my mind busy. I can't believe that tomorrow is Dec. 1st, where has this year gone?

Happy Turkey Day

Trying to force myself to get up and get moving. Wireless Internet and a laptop are my down fall. Busy day or at least I hope I keep my mind busy. Going to see my girls and my little man today. Along with the rest of my posse of great nieces and nephews. Oh yeah and a sister and brother or two and their significant others and some nieces and nephews. Well I guess I better jump in the shower and get this day started. Got to get my small fix of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. One of these days I would love to be there. OK enough babbling. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. Peace Out!

On this day back in 2002, lost an adopted brother, Louie. Miss you and Love you, you crazy fucker. Miss the tons of laughter that followed you everywhere. You were one in a million, with or with out the 3D glasses, but on the 4th of July they made you a rock star and had us rolling and our sides hurting. Love and Miss ya Bro!

My Peace of Mind

The emotions are coming and the little ones in the slideshow above are the ones that keep me going. Turkey Day is coming and I think of Louie. November 27th, 2002 was the day we lost Louie, which was the day before Turkey Day if I remember right. Then last year the Saturday after Turkey Day was when I had to put Mom in the hospital. Little did I know, that I would never get to bring her home. So I am not at all looking forward to this. Just going to take it one day at a time and keep close to my Bird and Turtle.

Planning on hitting Sharon's first on Turkey Day, then heading up to Taylorville that evening to spend the weekend with Keith and Diane. OK I can't lie I am excited to see Keith and Diane but little Grey is suppose to be there too. Can't wait to see that little guy. I can't believe his is almost a year old.

OK people, time to get back to football. Peace Out.

Videos of My Rays of Sunshine

0803

I told you I would find out...


Big Legged Woman....

Great Balls of Fire Soundtrack....



Olon, I drank a few for you and with your Coors Light in front of me...



You were right there with me....

God bless you and your family....

You were one in a million!!!!!

God Speed to my Buddy, Olon

You touched many hearts, and I am so thankful that I was lucky enough to meet you!!!!!

R.I.P. My Special Friend

I found out last night that one of my buddies had passed away. He was one in a million. I met this man when I was going out to the Sparta VFW. I use to enjoy so much sitting at the bar and talking with him. He would talk about hanging out in Coulterville back in the day. You know those way back when stories. Then he would joke about having locked his wife in the closet or how he told her he was going to work in the garden then he would head to the V. His sense of humor so reminded me of my Dad. And it was around the time when I lost my Dad that I first met Olon. I would love nothing more than walking in there and seeing him at the bar. I would head straight for him, I couldn’t wait to hear his line of bull shit that he was going to tell. What is driving me crazy now is not being able to remember the song he always wanted me to play on the jukebox. It had something about big or fat thighs or legs and I always gave him shit about having me play that. I kept asking him what are you saying by having me play this song? He would just laugh and say he likes the song. I am going to the Sparta V tonight so you can bet that I will be looking at the jukebox. And you can damn sure bet that I will be drinking with and to my friend…Olon Boston.

In Loving Memory of Olon Boston
January 12, 1925 - November 12, 2008

Olon L. Boston, age 83, of Sparta, passed away on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at his residence. Olon was born January 12, 1925 in Sparta, a son to William and Sarah (St. James) Boston. He married Jacqueline Shepherd on July 11, 1947 and she survives. Olon was of the Methodist Faith. He served in the U.S. Army during WW II and was a member of the Sparta VFW and GCIU. He was employed in the utilities department at Sparta Printing.
Survivors include his wife Jacqueline, two daughters; Pamela (Gary) Steele of Sparta and Leslie (Sam) Robledo of San Jose, CA, 12 grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren and a host of nieces and nephews.

He was preceded in death by his parents, two sons; Olon Wayne and Mark Anthony Boston, one daughter, Cheryl J. Coleman, five brothers and one sister
Memorials may be given to the family for their wishes.

Friends may call from 6-8 p.m. on Sunday, November 16, 2008 and on Monday from 7:30 a.m. until the hour of service at the McDaniel Funeral Home, Sparta. Funeral services will be held on Monday, November 17, 2008 at 12 noon at the McDaniel Funeral Home, Sparta.
Interment will be at Caledonia Cemetery, Sparta.

R.I.P. Olon and thank you so much for the friendship.

More from the weekend...

Déjà vu Saturday Night

So I head over to see my Bird and Turtle just because I need to see my rays of sunshine. I have been worried about Zane all day and I know he just needs time. As soon as I walk in there is my Turtle and I can tell she isn’t feeling well. She has a runny nose and her eyes are all watery. I get down on the floor and bond with my girls. As the night goes on Turtle is fighting sleep like a big dog. She keeps going in between Kim and me. Finally I pick her up and we go in Bird’s room (AKA my old room). I stand there in the middle of the room holding Turtle and swaying, while we look at the fishes. All she has to do is stop moving for a minute and she will be out. She keeps fighting going from one shoulder to the next. Then finally it happens she stops and just like that she is sleeping. We go back in the living room and I sit down and keep her on my chest to make sure she is sleeping good and sound. I can hear her little head filling up, my poor little sick Turtle. She starts coughing and Kim tells me that she may end up puking. When Kim said that it was Déjà vu, it was 20 plus years ago in the same room, same location, I was rocking Zane cause he was sick, just like Turtle. Mom was in the kitchen behind me and all of a sudden he started coughing and yeah he started puking. I didn’t care poor little guy needed to get that out. It did scare the hell out of me but Mom said he would be OK and he did get better. Turtle never did puke on me like Zane but she did sleep for about 2 hours. And I loved every minute of it.

I am so glad that Kim bought Dad and Mom’s house. I grew up in that house and there are many, many, many memories in that house. And call me crazy if you want to, but because of that Déjà vu moment that was Mom’s way of telling me that Zane would be OK. I know he has two of the best guardian angels watching over him and the rest of this Morgan clan.


PS

I hope you all have VOTED!!!!!

Roller Coaster Ride

Where do I begin? After having a kick ass time at the bon fire the following week was pure hell for me. Why, who knows? Wish I knew who was in charge of this roller coaster ride. I found myself upset and didn’t know why. My mind kept going back to how great the bon fire would have been if Mom and Dad were there sitting on a bale with all of us. Then I received an email that Aunt Edna was in the hospital. At first the news didn’t sound good, but I am happy to say at this time she is back home and on the mend.

Also that week I headed over to watch Emily play volleyball. That brought back all the memories of Mom and I going and watching Emma Lie play sports. Mom so enjoyed watching her youngest granddaughter. Then there was the email I got that week. I read it at work and was hoping no one would see me so upset at work. The email was beautiful, but caused a ton of emotions to come pouring out. Austin’s Mom had found an electric skillet at an auction. It was one like Mom used to cook with. Lessi said she didn’t need it but just bought it cause it reminded her of Mom. She started talking about the roast, potatoes, carrots and cooked cabbage that Mom use to make and how great it was. Like I said the dam broke and the emotions came. Luckily no one saw me. I did manage to regain my composure but when I got home it happened again. The next weekend did nothing, stayed home and had to break out the Will and Grace DVD’s. Nothing like Will, Grace, Jack and Karen to stop my emotional roller coaster, and it only took two seasons. So I have six more just in case.

This past week had its ups and downs too. Aunt Edna went back in the hospital, but like I said she is home now and doing better. I went again to watch Emily and this would be her last high school volleyball game. Yes that is correct my youngest niece is a senior. Her team played great but they ended up losing. I hated seeing Em so upset. Don’t know if it was the game or her realizing that she just played her last high school game. I am so proud of that girl. She is a sweetheart. She scored a 30 on her ACT. She is awesome at volleyball. Plus she is such a beautiful, caring and loving kid. (She reminds me so much of Betty Mae) Was looking at her senior pictures and OMG how can you pick just one. Have I told you how proud I am of her?

So Friday arrives and I am at work been there since about six that morning. It is about 9:30 and my phone rings. It is Austin. I ask him what he is doing cause he should be working. Then he proceeds to tell me that he is leaving work cause he just had a guy get killed like 10 feet away from him. I can tell he is upset. I don’t have any idea what to say. I let him talk and just listen. He tries to describe to me what happened and I don’t understand exactly. Somehow this man who was working with Austin, fell and ended up getting crushed and Austin had seen it all. He is telling me he wants to come over later and talk. I told him that I would be there for him no matter what. He never did come over but when I texted him, I found out he was with his girlfriend at church. I was relieved and glad he was there. He said he was doing better. The next day after reading the papers about what had happened I was even more worried. What a horrific thing to experience. I couldn’t even imagine and felt so useless. How could I help my nephew? I didn’t want to force the issue, wanted to give him his time to come to terms, but didn’t want him to keep it all in. I wanted to make sure he knew that I was here if he needed anything, so I sent him a text that morning saying I am here if you need anything. I worried all day about this kid, and then finally I called just to hear his voice and make sure. He sounded good. He had hear from the president of the boilermakers and other co workers that was there also. Monday morning is going to be harder than hell for him to go back there, but it is something that he has to do. So Herbie and Betty Mae watch over Austin Zane for me.

When it comes to Zane and Emma Lie they both hold such a special place in my heart. I watched these two grow into amazing adults. I am so proud of both of them and want to protect them as much as I can. When I see or talk to either one of them, I realize how special these kids are. They have been through so much, and still have great personalities and values. Austin Zane and Emily Marie, Auntie Red loves you both so much and is so proud of both of you.

Bonfire Blast

The best way to get out of a funk, at least in my opinion is to have a family get together. So I decided a few weeks back to have a bonfire at my house for Charlie, Ivan and Austin’s birthday, plus any other October birthdays out there. It was great but there was one bad thing was that Diane, Mike &Kim, Jim & Shannon, Mercedez, Hunter, and Ryan, Kevin & Caryn and Grey were not there with us. The weather was absolutely B-E-A-U-tiful! Plus I got to finally meet my great niece, Anna Belle. Yes it was worth the wait. I know I am biased but she is so B-E-A-U-tiful! Herbie and Betty Mae’s family is so blessed.

Some highlights for me…

• Bird walked over to my house in her new walker
• Did Turtle ever find any turkey mites in the grass?
• Seeing Anna Belle
• Watching Mama drink Billy Ray’s wine and being blinded by his jacket
• Happy birthday, Reggie you are Mama’s DD
• The crew deep-frying turkey on the basketball court
• Rod stoking the fire every 15 minutes
• The professional throwing style of Bob Cat, pictures available on Ebay
• Kids, kids, and more kids running amuck…oh the laughing and screaming
• The fire surrounded by straw bails and chairs and a whole lot of conversations
• The food! Thanks Kim, Mama, Sharon, and Ivan!
• Doing a shot of Gran Patrone Platinum with Zane, Happy Birthday, Wow that was smoooooth, Holy Shit how much did you say that tequila costs?
• Where did those kids get that toilet paper?
• Survivor - Morgan Corner
  Kids find a cricket
  Jimmy G. crunched it then down it went
  So do you think Emily kissed him good night?
• Stories, stories, stories and more among family and friends :)
• Sitting on Dad’s glider, holding Turtle watching her look at everyone and the fire
• Last ones left around the fire was Charlie, Keith, Ivan and me

Enjoy the picture slideshow below. :)

Bonfire Blast Pics....Enjoy :)

Owen Update...God is Great!

Update from Owen's Mom....

First and foremost, let me just say again how much we appreciate everyone's thoughts, prayers and support throughout this ordeal!!!! It has helped us so much to know people have been behind us and that we and Owen are so loved! For those of you who haven't heard, we got the most awesome news yesterday, that the mass they saw on the MRI was NOT a tumor as they suspected. The doctor has informed us that it appears to be 'white matter' and is calling it a 'lesion'. In fact, he corrected me when I asked him if the tumor was the reason why Owen was having the seizures. His response was "I'm almost 100% sure that the LESION is the cause of the seizures." As for what happens now we don't really know. He is going to meet with us this afternoon after we get the pathology results back to confirm his preliminary diagnosis. He said if it's white matter they have to determine why it's there and what, if anything, we need to do now. Matt and I both feel very strongly that it is no coincidence that this is the result, but rather that God's hand has been on Owen since this horrible ordeal started and that He has given us a miracle. I'm not sure where many of you are on your faith journeys, but ours has certainly been strengthened to a whole new level with this outcome!!! When we met with Dr. Leonard on Thursday, he was pretty positive that the image they were seeing was a tumor, and told us he had shown the film to 3 other doctors in hopes that one of them would disagree, but they were all in agreement that it did appear to be a tumor. One of the other neurosurgeons we spoke to on Monday before Owen went in for surgery said that based on the MRI and the growth he thought worst case scenario is that it would be a Level 2 Tumor. Honestly my best case scenario I was hoping for was a level 1 tumor, based on our meeting with Dr. Leonard on Thursday. He is a leading neurosurgeon and is very active in R&D, and the dr. we spoke with before O's surgery said he would discuss with us the possibility of saving some of the tumor if we approved so they could use it for research purposes. Of course we were ready to agree to that in order to find answers in hopes of sparing more families of having to go through this nightmare. Anyway, my point is this. Matt and I had everyone we know praying for us, and so many people passed that on to their friends and church families that we believe there were hundreds of people praying for Owen's health and healing, and we believe God answered those prayers. What a glorious day, and it was the BEST birthday present Matt could have ever asked for (yesterday was his b-day).
Anyway, I'll get off my religious soap box now, :), and let you know that Owen is doing well. He has been on morphene for the pain, so he was pretty much out of it all day yesterday. This morning he woke up for probably almost 2 hours and was very alert and in a better mood. He has been a trooper through all of this!!! We have discovered that through all of these MRI's and everything that he is quick to come out of sedation and is MAD when he wakes up. Normal routine coming out of surgery is for them to move the patient to a bed, roll them to recovery and once they move them to the ICU the parents are called back. They called us yesterday and asked us to come into recovery with him because he was fighting mad!! When the picked him up from the operating table to move him to his bed, he REFUSED to lie down, so they had to carry him, kicking and screaming, to the recovery room. The charge nurse in recovery told us when we got back there that they brought him in and put him on the bed to get all his lines hooked up and everything that he "Mopped the floor" with three of her nurses so they decided they better call us back! LOL SHe was laughing about it and actually said it's a very good thing for them to wake up and be active and alert like that. So we got to recovery and I sat on the bed and held him in my lap and he immediately calmed down and relaxed. They ended up rolling us to the PICU with me on the bed holding him. He's been doing great since then though. WE can tell that he is having some pain sometimes, but they are still giving him morphene. Once he starts eating they will switch him to Tylenol with codine for the pain. So far he hasn't had much interest in eating though. We wouldn't even touch the red popcicle they gave him. Today they will be removing the catheter, areterial line and the IV that is in his foot. He'll have one IV in his left hand still so they can administer meds, and they will be taking the bandage off of his head. They only had to shave a small section, so it won't be too noticable. He's moving out of PICU to a regular room today, and if he's eating, peeing and pooping ok they will let us bring him home tomorrow. There's barely any swelling at all. Amazing!

Thanks for all the support...Owen came home today.. :)

Prayer's for Owen

Got an email from my cousin, Lynetta and her little grandson Owen is having surgery Monday morning at 7:30 AM at Children's Hospital in St. Louis. An MRI found a tumor on his brain. She say they are all heartbroken but remain faithful he will have a healthy recovery. Owen is two yrs. old and will turn 3 on the 21st of this month.

Please keep him in your prayers.

Found this on the net...

Sticky fingers ' tangled hair, scattered crayons, everywhere.
Fancy artwork ' on the wall ' drawn by midgets ' three feet tall.
Tell me why ' and tell me how ' that was mine ' I want it NOW!
Fix my bike. Buy me gum. If you have it, I want some.
Dirty faces, grass-stained knees, learning words ' like pretty please.
Endless hugs & goofy wet kisses, learning respect with 'Mr.' & 'Mrs.'
Scraped-up hands, from falling down. Tender tugs - - on my night gown.
Need more paper ' for Santa's letter? I wasn't so bad ' but I've been better.
Watching a movie ' again and again ' Mommy, please ' put the tape back in.
Messy fingers ' hair gone wild ' all in the life ' of a precious child !!
By Debra S. Higginbotham

I am a slacker yesterday Jada Bird turned 5

Been a week of hell at work, had way too many blonde moments and that caused me more work. Hey it is the weekend now so YEAH! Yesterday was Jada's 5th birthday. She is a ray of sunshine, I know she can lift me up with just her smile. Don't you guys agree?
Next here are some links to some videos I finally uploaded. Like I said I am a slacker!

Golfing with Loser on her bday...you might be a redneck if....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1KzER5kbD8&feature=PlayList&p=5CA6D64496819D73&index=0&playnext=1

My visit with Grey...Hey Little man I will return...keep the Miller Lite cold. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iwi3sobDMWk&feature=PlayList&p=8FBFA8345E7BF3D9&index=0&playnext=1

Sam...another ray of sunshine even though her and Jada are DOOOOOMED!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t46R9a2XJls

Tune in next week and I will have more from all of Jada Birds parties this weekend.

Later, Peace Out!

I remember...

I remember being at Mom and Dad's cause Loretta and Carrol were coming down. Dad was having a pretty decent day. He watched the Cub game and when Rett and Carrol got there he sat out on the porch with them. I remember Kim bringing him in saying that Grandpa is tired and wants to go lay down. Kim put him to bed. We continued to sit out on the porch visiting. Rett and Carrol headed home. Then shortly after that I headed home. I wasn't home but only a few minutes when I got the call. Dad wasn't breathing so I headed back. When I walked in Dad was on the floor and Mike and his wife were administering CPR. I knew when I walked in that he was gone. Mom gave me a phone and told me to call the others. I couldn't get a signal one on any cell phone and they were on the land line with 911. I wanted to throw the cell phones. The ambulances arrived, one from Cville and one from Sparta. The land line was open and I started calling. Next hours and minutes are a blur. One by one family members arrived. Dad had went in to rest and went peacefully. His fight was over. No more pain from the tumors, although he never complained of any pain at least to Mom or myself. No more radiation, no more chemo. This is the first year that I don't have Mom here to help me through this. 5 years and still hurts like hell. I went to the cemetery this morning. Kim, Candice and the girls went with me. I thank God for them every day, don't know what I would do without them. They make the really hard days, like today bearable. Love my Bird and Turtle, their smiles get me through. A double whammy today, cause it is also Renee's birthday. After we got back from Van, I ran over to Ivan's to check in. He was actually at Sparta so I missed him, but he was keeping busy working on his chimney. I am going to head back over tomorrow. On my way back from Ivan's, I took the scenic route as I call it. It is where I stay off the main roads, traveling down roads I have never been on. The best part is I have the music jamming and thinking of nothing but the music and the good times. The normal 20 minute ride home took about an hour, probably not smart seeing how gas prices are, but what the hell on this day I needed some QT with me myself and I and the music.

Sept. 6
Happy Birthday Renee.

And Dad, I can't believe it has been 5 years. I miss you so much. Love you, from your spoiled rotten brat.

Took some vacation days...

Made it through Mom's birthday, with alot of help from my family and friends. Got to thank my crazy neighbors and my Bird and Turtle, Lady Di for the phone call, Hooker for the text, JJ for the email. We cleaned up the grave site added my present to Mom, then Kim and the girls sang Happy Birthday, sounded beautiful. Then I played some of Mom's favorite songs. We then ventured to the park to eat. Then we went to Sweetbriar to see Mom's best friend Peggy. Her and Mom share the same birthday. Peggy says it best, she always says there is only one Betty, one in a million and she is right. Mom was simply the best. We had a great visit with Peggy then we went to see Aunt Clara Belle and the girls. A tough day ended up being no so tough after all.

Friday went with Brandy, Judy, Bill Jess, Emily and Jimmy to move Jimmy into SIU-C. It was a really good day. Only a few tears were shed. I still can't believe that Jimmy is in college. Seems like yesterday when Brandy was bringing the little red head over to Mom's now he is a freshman in college. The sky is the limit for him, he is so talented.

Saturday was Loser's party. And I was sick. WTF! Took some drugs early then said no more, I treated it with a few Miller Lites. Kim had a good time, everyone did. I was a good day to be around family and friends and have a few, especially when your drinking from Captain Jeremy Morgan's private stock. WAHOO!!!!

Sunday bonded with my couch and some more drugs. No wasn't a hang over the cold/allergies kicked my ass.

Monday...Golf Time! Still felt a little sick, but was determined to go golfing with the birthday girl. We went to the goat ranch. Greens sucked. Played in and out of the sprinklers. Beer was sliding. Weather was fabulous. Great Day!

Tuesday did nothing, ran to Ivan's to get fencing for Kim and that was it. Vacation over work on Wednesday. That sucks.

Enjoy the picks and videos, It was a great couple days.

OH WAIT I FORGOT THE BEST NEWS OF ALL....

Grey's paperwork has all the T's crossed and the I's dotted. He has been a Morgan from day one, it is just all official now. Welcome to the family, Little Man!

Mom's Present

Message for Mom

Plaque on bench at Sweetbriar
Tribute to Mom, from the people at Sweetbriar

Note for Mom

Mamma,
Even though it is only a few minutes passed midnight, I am missing you so bad on this day or night. It’s your birthday and ever since August began I have been dreading this. I knew it would be so hard. Every day this month has been a struggle so far. Trying to keep busy. Even one day decided to switch our beds around. Did OK tearing up my room, especially after my Ipod played An Eagle When She Flies. I have over 6,000 songs on there and it is set to randomly play all songs. I was dusting the candles you gave me and yeah I was tearing up, but when that song started, I don’t know, it normally kills me to hear it but this time it gave me a peaceful feeling. So thanks for still watching out for me. But when I started on breaking down your bed I had to call in the cavalry. Kim and Jada came over to help me. We got it done, thank God for Jada Bird and her smile. She smiles so much when she sees the picture of you and her which ended up being the last picture I took of you, just a few days before you got sick. I switched our beds around and that was about it. Still can’t do much else when I go into your room. Other than sitting in there and thinking and remembering, but I do that throughout my house. I am so grateful that you moved in with me. Yeah we had ups and downs, and I regret the downs. I hope that you knew how much you meant to me, no matter how damn hard headed I was and yeah I still am. I owe everything I have to you and Dad. You were the best and helped me so much. I am heading up to the cemetery today, yeah I have taken a few vacation days, knew I wouldn’t be much good to anybody today. Going to make sure your and Dad’s gravesite looks good. Taking the weedeater and all to get it cleaned up. I got the landscaping all done, just a few more things I want up there. So I will finish this conversation when I get up there. I love you and miss you. Thanks for everything. You are the BEST!!!!!

Happy Birthday Mom!
Love and Miss you like crazy!

Hey guys, check out this video of a great lady. The first song was played at Mom’s services and the first time I heard it way back when I thought of Mom.

Coming off of two great weekends

On July 20th Keith, Diane, Ivan and myself took a trip to see Aunt Edna. She is one amazing woman. She is my Dad's sister and in December she will be 90 years young. I so enjoy spending time with her. She misses my Mom so much. Her and Mom were more like sisters. She has so many memories and it is so great just to sit and listen to her. Although this visit she did mention a couple of times that she wonders why she is still here. We told her the Big Guy just wasn't ready for her yet and she had to be here to keep tabs on us Morgan Kids and attempt to keep us in line. Enjoy the pic's below.



Last Friday, I left for a trip up to see Kevin, Caryn and Grey. It was a long drive, and I am so happy that I had my Ipod cause I hate radio anymore. Arrived safe and sound and was ready to bond with my Great Nephew, Grey and oh yeah, Kevin and Caryn. Their house is awesome. They are like a block away from WIU. Grey is one handsome little man and yeah I am a biased aunt, but so what I call em like I see em and you can look at the pictures below and see that I am not lying.



Both weekends made me think alot of Mom, brought back many memories. Aunt Edna so loved Mom that she talks about her and calls me all the time to check up on me and the rest of the Morgan clan. And Grey was born 2 days before Mom died. One of the last conversations that I had with Mom was how happy we both were that Kevin and Caryn were getting a little one. I remember her saying that they were going to be great parents and it was about time. I know Herbie and Betty Mae are watching over that little guy and also Turtle and Anna Belle.

On the way up to Macomb, I saw a roadside stand selling sweet corn, as soon as I saw it I was crying. Remembering how I would take Mom to get her tomatoes and she would always end up getting sweet corn. As soon as we got home she was shucking it and cooking it. She made us a meal of sweet corn. I would stuff myself then lay around complaining while picking corn out of my teeth. She would tell me to cut it off the cob like she does, but I never would, too lazy I guess. Going to have to buy me some corn and have a sweet corn meal again.

Stay Tuned....More pics are coming.

I wanted to send out a big

THANK YOU

to Kevin, Caryn and Grey

I had a great time this weekend.

Here is one of the pictures of my little buddy Grey

also known as the cutest little boy in the whole world!!!!!!!!!
More pics will follow. See I wasn't lying he is the cutest little boy in the world!

Given a choice and you don't choose your kid...WTF!

All my posts lately have been about how I can't believe how stupid and selfish people are, well I have another one of those I can't believe...

Before I start I would like to say this is all hear say...but I know the main thing is she didn't choose her kid.

Let say you have a job in retail and you are around a lot of money. Then throw in that you have a useless boyfriend, I say useless cause she choose him over her kid. So you have this plan you say the store was robbed only you or your boy friend takes the money. Then you start the lying, it was a white guy that robbed the store. The PoPo get involved of course and you have to take a lie detector test and you fail. They got you. The PoPo tell you they will give you probation if you roll on the boy friend. Ummm. Let me see on one hand I have probation where I can be with my little girl and raise her myself, or I can keep quite for this man that I "love" and lose my little girl go to jail well HELL YEAH I see why she didn't choose her little girl. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! And guess what your so called boy friend probably already has his next victim, oh I mean girl friend all lined out.

And we wonder or at least I wonder why this world is so screwed...when you have a mother choose a low life son of a bitch over her little girl what do we expect.

What a few weeks I have had....

As I sit back and observe, so much crap has been going down and it is the kind that I just can’t believe how stupid, ignorant, uncaring and selfish people can be.

First…people need to learn to let people grieve and come to terms with their loss, before piling more shit on their plate. Everyone handles grief in their own way and time and when it is someone close, there is no time limit that says at such and such time you will be all better and ready to function like nothing happened. And absolutely never should someone think that it is OK to request to be given something that belonged to the loved one. The immediate family in time may or may not pass on personal items, but it is their choice whether to give or not.

Second…love the deadbeat parents that think they know best for the child when they only see them over the summer, or only on those special occasions like a birthdays. Especially love the deadbeats that think that 50 bucks a week is enough for a child. Does that even feed a kid for a week now? I don’t think so. You know if they had custody they would be bitching about only getting 50 bucks a week when they are spending $$$ on food, $$$ on clothes, $$$ on school, $$$ the miscellaneous day to day items.

Third…what about the person that thinks they know what is best for someone else’s child when all they are doing is stirring up more shit. I will be the first one to admit that I have said if that was my kid, I would do this or that, well guess what I don’t have any kids so I don’t have a clue. Yes, I love kids but am so glad that I don’t have any. Too much responsibility and where is the instruction manual for them? As I explain to everyone, with my nieces and nephews, I loved them when they were little, then when they reached that pre-teen and teen age years, BOOM OMG what happen to those precious little kids, then late teens WOW they are grown up and I can actually talk to them again.

Fourth…and what about the all about me person, there are way too many of these lurking around. When you have kids, it is not all about you any more, your life ends and you focus on your kids. Then there are the ones that are all about the material things and who cares who they have to F*@# over in order to get what they want. These are the people that have the motto of Use People and Love Things, when us normal people Love People and Use Things! (Thanks for the quote, Hooker!)

Fifth…there are good people out there, if you look closely. You know like the ones that read your blog then send you a comment or email just to let you know they understand and are there for you. (Thanks, Angie, Teresa, Rett and G [Know exactly what you’re saying, I am blessed.]) Then there are the ones that are right around the corner, who give you as much shit as you give them. You know they yell across to call you a HO or even the best they bring over the little ones and let me bond with my little neighbors or I invade their territory just to see the EYES and steal kisses and hugs. (Thanks, Loser, Scrappy, Bird and Turtle!) And lastly my new support line…Text Messages. It is amazing how so few words can put a smile on your face. Or is it a confused look trying to decipher the message cause so many letters are missing…IDK! (Thanks you know who you are, did I mention you earlier, do you have any pit passes?!?)

Lastly…the Lockart reunion was on the 6th. Absolutely was hating going up there just knowing Mom wasn’t going to be there. This was Mom’s side, her sisters and brothers and their families. It helped that Sharon, Ivan, and Chuck was there and Keith & Di would have been there too if he hadn’t spent the night in the ER. (He is doing much better now.) Also had Loser, Scrappy, Bird, Turtle, Mary, Megan, Bobbie, AJ, Marina, Max, Jeremy and Jason there so Betty Mae was very well represented. Did OK but when Aunt Carol and Aunt Clara Belle said they really miss Mom there, I maintained but was so close to losing it. Plus seeing our Morgan Reunion shirts was a hit with every one. So Mom, Dad, and Renee was there everywhere there was a blue shirt.

So I thought I was done but I want to let you all know that this next generation of Morgan Girls are so tough. They may be princesses but they are not prissy little girls. Marina caught her shirt on fire by a sparkler. Scary at the time but she is fine. Megan lost a fight with a teeter-totter, but that didn’t stop her from helping Max with the dam.

Enjoy the pictures from the Lockart Reunion.

The Next Generation of Morgan Girls...no prissiness here!

Megan's Lip...you should have seen the teeter-totter!
Marina's Hip...always hold sparklers out in front.

Aunt Erma, Aunt Norma and Aunt Clara Belle

The Dam Builders...water was knee deep when I left

My Turtle...She loves when I tell her secrets about her Mom :)

My Bird...She loves the secrets about Loser and Scrappy :)

Carl you will be truly missed...

Kim called me early yesterday morning at work. She informed me that one of our buddies had committed suicide. Even as I am typing this I still cannot believe it. This guy was so genuine. We hadn’t seen him in quite a while, which I am kicking myself in the ass for now. We have all been in this vicinity and still we fell out of touch. I am sitting here thinking of all the awesome times we had. His smile brightened any situation. How you go from being so happy all of the time to actually taking your life? You know how the rumors go and we will probably never know what exactly happened, but we were told he told his wife he loved her then walked outside and shot himself in his driveway. WTF? How do you reach that point? Trust me ever since Mom passed, I have been through my share of emotions, but never once could I even imagine feeling that way. There are always options and people to help you. Then I think what if our little group had stayed in touch like we were back then. You know we all had each other’s back without thinking twice. I know I can’t drive myself crazy with the “What Ifs?” but damn. We would have let him know that he was loved and we could work through anything. This brings up the story of how people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. What or who determines the length of time that people are in your lives? I guess bottom line is the circumstances that happen in your life determine your path. Even though we are all still in a 20 mile radius, we are worlds apart. We grow up and apart, but that is not to say that if we all met today that it would be just like it was years ago. OK so it probably wouldn’t be a kegger out at the ball diamonds, but it would be one hell of a BBQ with all their kids and spouses.

I send this out to our Buddy, Carl. Your shit eating grin and smile brightened up our lives. Kim and I could always count on you to give us as much shit as we gave others. We had some great times back in the day, doing nothing, but having a few and torturing others with our smart ass comments. You are truly one in a million and will be missed. Love ya Buddy!

In Loving Memory of Carl Ferguson

Forever and Always in our Hearts!

Welcome Anna Belle Lynn Morgan

Anna Belle was born on June 20th.

She weighed 5 lb 12 oz. and was 18.5 inches long.

The proud parents are Paul and Hillary Morgan.

Isn't she beautiful.

The circle of life continues for the Morgan family.

Yes, I am a Great Aunt again.

Love you, Anna Belle

All over the place

That is the only way for me to describe my mind. Here I thought OK, I made it through Mother’s Day, the Reunion and Father’s Day now I will have some smooth sailing. Boy was I wrong. Woke up last Friday everything was going great, was getting ready to walk out the door for work then BAM hit me like a freight train. Couldn’t stop the emotions, don’t know what triggered it at all. Knew I couldn’t stay home, knew work was the best place for me to get shit off of my mind. Thought I would be able to get myself under control by the time I got to work…NOT! Got to love the dark sunglasses, no one could tell and I made it safely to my cube, where I hibernated all day. Jumped right into my work and soon was focused my programming nightmare.
Did OK the rest of the day and when I went home, got out of the uniform and headed to see Jada and Sam, my rays of sunshine. Ended up taking Robbie and Cary up to the ball diamond so they could watch the game and I hoofed it around the track listening to my Ipod. Music soothes the savage soul. Also watched the game, seen some of the girls that use to play with Mercedes. Man have they grown up.
Next morning headed back up there cause they were all playing again along with the Coulterville girls. Seems funny to see them play now, they actually know what they are doing and are pretty good. Walked up to the ball diamond with Candice, Sam, Jada and Happy Ass. Rule number one never walk that far with them again or turn the Ipod up so I can’t hear them whine. They had Kim come and get them, not me I stayed up there. Was having too much fun watching these girls play ball and plus it kept my mind off of other things. I talked to Angie and Brandy, as usual Brandy is such a great sounding board. We tend to have a few things or should I say issues in common. Was a beautiful day up until the storms headed for us. I was going to walk home, but Brandy said she would take me. I was willing to chance it and step between the lightening strikes. Walked up to the door and seen a blue tail lizard, I have only seen those at Dad’s old home place which was Aunt Edna’s house. Another sign or what?
Sunday spent the day doing laundry and some things around the house. Did go over and get my Jada and Sam fix and while there I tormented the hell out of Cary. He is so coming out of his shell, but him and Robbie can drive you crazy with questions. These kids are so inquisitive, but I think it is just they want attention, since their parents are basically no shows. You know the kind that just want kids for the big tax check. These kids have been put through the ringer and are good kids, but don’t really have a chance in hell, because of their parents. Thank God Kim and Candice take them in and give them a few days of happiness.
Bought a DVD set and started watching 1 of 12 on Sunday. Get ready for this; I bought the Dean Martin Roast Set. Why you may ask, because I can remember countless nights sitting at home with Dad and Mom and watching these with them. Watched one DVD and I was rolling and could hear both Dad and Mom laughing with me. Dean Martin, Rich Little, Foster Brooks, Ruth Buzzy and many others. What is really funny is now I get the jokes, where before I would laugh just because Mom and Dad were laughing. Can’t wait to watch the next DVD. Guess what got another blast from the past coming…The Carol Burnett Show.

Laughter and music is what I need most right now, along with my rays of sunshine.

Signs, signs everywhere I look signs...

Let me tell you about something that happened to me yesterday. I get up and of course it is Father’s Day so I am not in the best mood. Also my back neck and shoulders are giving me fits because on Saturday I was on the road for 8 hours. 4 hours out to the Scott reunion and 4 hours back, it was a great time so it was well worth it, but that is the longest that I have been in a vehicle driving since about 5 or 6 years. So with my mood and pain I decided the pool was the best place for me. Hooked up my music and cleaned the pool, then got in and was floating on my hammock. Just me, myself and I floating in the pool, sun shining with a breeze so it is not too hot. Neck, shoulders and back pain slowly going away. It is so peaceful. And I am thinking of Dad and Mom. I am floating listening to the music and thinking this is the 5th Fathers Day without Dad and now Mom is gone too. Getting more depressed by the moment, then I just roll off the hammock and go under the water, I come up and when I open my eyes there sitting on the roof of my house are two doves staring right at me. Then I hear the song playing is Martina McBride’s “God’s Will”. It was a few minutes of me staring at them and them staring at me. Someone is looking out for me. Call me crazy, but that was a sign. Then the doves took off and flew over the field until they were out of my sight. That warmed my heart and the rest of the day was so easy to get through, cause if I even started feeling low, I pictured those doves staring at me, watching over me.

Just like the frog…after we got back from Dad’s funeral, the funeral director brought the flowers to Mom and Dad’s house. We were unloading them and Charlie went to reach for one and there was a frog in it. Yes it was real. Charlie grabbed him and put him out in Mom and Dad’s yard. Then told us that the frog was Dad’s way of telling us that he is OK. The funeral director said that had never happened and we proceeded to tell him that he had never dealt with the Morgan’s before, where anything is possible.

And just like with the deer…we got Renee out of the hospital on Wednesday. After work that week I would head over to Ivan and Renee’s to spend time with Renee and see if there was anything anyone needed. I would usually leave around 10 or 11 at night to head back home. Every night from Wednesday until Saturday when I would get to a certain area on interstate 153 I would see two deer along the road. Saturday morning at 5:30 AM I got the call that Renee was close to passing. I headed over and yes I did see the deer again that morning but this time there were three of them. Renee had passed before I got over there. In my mind I saw the deer as watching me and making sure I was making it home after long and emotional days and nights. Yeah Dad and Mom watching over me then when I seen the third one that morning I knew Renee was with Dad and Mom. That Easter morning while we were out on the deck waiting for Hospice to arrive, the sun was trying to peak through the clouds then some love from above started. It was snowing, the biggest snowflakes gently falling down. Jeremy said it best when he said it was confetti from the party they were throwing to welcome Renee home.

Maybe it is just my love for the outside and all its beautiful scenery and creatures, but just like King George sings about…I Saw God Today…whether it is through my Doves, Deer, or even a Frog...I cherish every moment and peaceful feeling I get from all my signs. It may even be a Dragonfly, right Angie?

Jada loves Uncle Keith

Check out this video and you will see how Jada Bird loves her Uncle Keith. All she wanted to do was look at him and give him "Eyes".

My Sunshine...Jada and Sam

These are the shining stars that get me through my tough days...my Bird and my Turtle or as everyone else knows them Jada and Samantha.

A couple more tough days to get through...

Just made it through Mother’s day now here is Father’s day staring me in the face. Same as Mother’s day all the commercials on the TV and radio, along with the constant SPAM emails about Father’s Day, it is killing me. It has been 5 years and seems like it was yesterday. Well it will be 5 years in September. Spent my time before Mother’s Day avoiding Wal-Mart and need to do the same now. Father’s Day cards right at the front when you walk in. I want to go over to them but know I can’t. I’ll do like I did for Mom, light a candle on that day and watch videos and cry my eyes out. Or my new favorite thing to do is sit on my picnic table and look over at Dad and Mom’s house and I can remember so many memories. Memories they do the body, mind and soul good. GOT MEMORIES?

This Friday is the Relay for Life. Talk about being so proud and eyes drowning in tears, watching Dad along with Kim walking his Survivor lap. Yeah he brought up the rear but he walked it on his own and had to listen to Kim the entire time, that is a feat in and of it’s self. This came up all of a sudden; thanks to a coworker for reminding me otherwise I might not have made it. Won’t be able to stay like I normally do cause we are heading to Indiana for the Scott Reunion. I’ll make my laps though and I will have Dad right there with me. Plus there will be laps for Renee, Jeannie, Rick, Bob, Aunt Betty, Uncle Denzil, Grandma’s, Uncle Jr., Larry W, Larry C, Chuck, Carl, plus many other friends and family and also the survivors, my big Bro Charlie and Aunt Edna. It really pisses me off at how this list keeps growing. Pardon my language but cancer FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!

If you haven’t ever been to a Relay for Life take some time out of your busy schedule and go. To see all the luminaries, especially when they shut off the lights. To see the survivors making their lap. To be able to stay all night and the energy resonating from the teams. To see all those names, especially the ones you know. What a way to honor mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends for the courageous battle that they are fighting or to memorialize the ones that fought battle after battle only to loose the war. Here is to hoping and praying for a cure for this dreadful disease.

Made it through 2 very rough firsts

Mother’s Day weekend was tougher than hell, especially since Mother Nature kept me from going to the cemetery to complete my task. But a week later on Tuesday, I was on vacation so I was on the road by 8:30 AM and headed to the cemetery. I was praying that I had loaded up everything I needed, but knew that I probably forgot something. I pulled in around 10 and the sun was starting to peek through the clouds. It was still kind of chilly but it was a beautiful morning and I was going to be spending the day with Dad and Mom. Started unloading the tools and all the landscaping items. First things first roll out the edging to let the sun warm it up so it will be easy to work with. Next dug out the trench for the edging. Dad probably would have had a cow because my lines were far from straight, but any one that knows me knows that I am crooked as they come. Next got out the plastic to lie it down, wasn’t windy but there were occasional burst and I think Mom and Dad were just trying to keep me on my toes. Now lets get that edging in place, everything was going great until I had to round the corner by Dad’s Naval Service plaque, took a little Morgan smarts but I got r done. Get all the way around and low and behold I am about 12 inches from reaching the finish line. Good thing I bought two things of edging. Next thing was laying the rock inside and remembering to get all my tools out that were holding the plastic down. See that is them Morgan smarts working. Five bags of rock and would you believe I need more. Time for a break and run into Vandalia and get some more rock. Only bought 3 bags and needed 2 more, but I will get them later before Memorial Day. Got the rock on and spread out, then added the landscaping stone at the foot on Mom’s side that my buddies from work sent when Mom’s passed. Put Keith and Diane’s flowers back on there and I think it looks good and Mom and Dad would like it. Made it back home around 4 PM. It was a beautiful day and it was just me and a couple angles watching over me.

McDonald’s breakfast…$4.00
Additional Marble Rocks…$9.00
Spending quality time with the best parents…PRICELESS
That all was day one of my vacation and was a perfect way to start and now time to focus on getting ready for the other first, which is our first reunion without both Mom and Dad, and also Renee. I just wasn’t ready for this at all. I took off the week in the hopes of keeping my ass busy. I did a pretty good job during the day; the weather was perfect so I was out in the yard. I played in the dirt, dug up trees away from my house and also dug some out of the fencerow and planted them in my lot. Then there is mowing and weed eating. Also built a small patio to put my picnic table on so I don’t have to keep moving it when I mow. See that is them Morgan smarts working again. When I wasn’t working, I would just sit on the glider I got that was Mom and Dad’s and you know who was gliding right there with me. And I live right by the house I grew up in so I could just look over there and man the memories flow like crazy. I see Dad and Mom over there quite often. Dad messing around in his garage, although he would kick Kim in the ass and tell her to clean that garage out. Then I see Mom messing around with her all her flowers, or both of them just sitting on the porch.

I had told myself that I would get a memorial video done before the reunion, but I was struggling making myself get motivated to start. When I would start looking at the pictures of Mom, Dad and Renee it was so surreal that I would walk away and go do something else. I still can’t believe they are not with us any more. I know none of them are struggling any more and it is all part of life, but nothing prepares you for this emptiness. Some say time helps well my experience is no it doesn’t. Maybe it will someday, but not yet and not until I say so. I was able to kick myself in the ass and I did finish the video. It is about 20 minutes long and I started with the video I made for Mom on Mother’s Day. Next were some pictures of Renee, then some of Mom and Renee and finally some of Dad, Mom and Renee. The songs were perfect or at least that is my opinion. I got up one morning and it was raining so I sat in front of the computer until about 1 PM and then it was done. Cried the whole time and every time I would watch it. Everyone really liked it. Heather, Jeremy and Jason really loved it so that made me feel good. Ivan didn’t watch it with us, but I know he has watched it. They are harder than hell to do, but they bring back so many great memories.

Reunion day – up at 5:30 AM waking up the neighbor to start grilling. Kim did a great job this year and like I told her, Herbie would be proud. Dad and her had many good times grilling and you know Dad was always giving advice and I have to say Kim kicks ass on the grill. I even went out there and she was feeding Keith and Diane’s dog, just like Dad would take care of Gator. By 9:00 AM meat is all done. Finished up around the house and loaded up the truck with the food and coolers. Jumped in the truck and looked in the passenger seat, someone’s missing. For 5 years since Dad passed I always took Mom and now here I am flying solo. Deep breath, start the truck and look up, I know they are smiling down on this Morgan clan today. Floor it and got a ticket on the way to the park…NOT, but that would have been funny wouldn’t it.

Reunion was good; we have our hands full with the next generations of Morgan’s. My great nieces and nephews are getting so big and that means I am getting older. That is OK, I am not growing up though cause I have too much fun with the little ones. We had our 2 little ones that were the stars of the show, Grey and Sam. Now they can always put a smile on my face. Aunt Edna, my Dad’s sister made it and that put a smile on all of our faces. That day we really saw where my Dad got his mischievous streak. Aunt Edna went and tied Jerry’s shoestrings together while he was sleeping in the truck, don’t believe me look at the pictures below. I know both Dad and Mom were smiling at that. Aunt Edna, who will be 90 this year, maneuvered her walker in between potholes and every thing to get the task completed. She is my hero. Ended with rain at the park, but we pushed on to Sharon’s where the annual poker game was held, plus the video showing. It was a great week as you can see from the pictures below. The minor flood in my bathroom was just a way to clean the floor and the floor in the basement.

It was a rough couple of weeks, but I did make it through. Thanks to Jada Bird and Sam for always putting a smile on my face. I also have to thank Loser and Scrappy cause Jada, Sam and I should be able to get a group discount for therapy in dealing with them. DOOMED! Just kidding, I love my neighbors, they are there when I need to talk or when I need a beer and I am out, at least that is what I tell them. There is one other nerd that I need to thank, just because she has the touch of pulling me out of a funk. All it takes is a phone call or a text message here or there. The simple phrase “Why do WE have to leave?”

Enjoy the pictures from the cemetery and the reunion.